Fragments of Time, Pieces of Me

2012-02-14T21:39:00.002+11:00

Happy Valentine's Day! One is never too old for romance, :-D as one of the patients on the ward tells me.

Little blessings that I thank God for:

- The fact that the machine that validates the bus tickets is spoilt so I got to sit on the bus for free this morning.

- Everyone was stable and there were no emergencies.

- That everyone in my work environment is lovely and helpful and kind.

- That God never ceases to remind me about His providence in all aspects of my life.

Also, something I was mulling over today when I went to see the patients in my unit:

I remember how as a patient, I was irritated when I only saw the doctors once in the day. How I felt neglected and uncared for. And it is this experience that I try to remind myself of when I go about my day at work. To remind myself to try wearing my patients' shoes. To try to do what I can for their best interests. It is astonishingly easy to get lost in the paperwork. But the patients' care lies at the heart of the healing profession. And this is not found solely in all the referrals or discharge summaries in the world. But to have compassion and sincerely desiring to know them better.

2012-02-13T23:17:00.002+11:00

So Valentine's Day is in approximately 45 minutes. Was thinking about the notion of a day dedicated to love and romance. And you know, although many people have questioned the reason for just a day (out of 365 days in a year) dedicated to cherishing loved ones, I also cannot help but wonder if it's precisely that reason that it becomes special. Not to say that one should go about the ignoring said loved ones for the rest of the year, but to just take that special effort to let that someone know that they are loved.

It's incredible how in a world of almost 7 billion people, so many are still lonely.

Also just a shout out to my family and close friends: I love you all very much and there'll be someone who's thinking of you come 14 February 2012.

2012-02-10T01:20:00.003+11:00

I'm so tired I can't sleep. Sigh.

So today I was asked to identify an accessory nipple, which I did and the consultant assumed I was from Melbourne University. Should I feel happy or insulted? LOL.

2012-02-07T21:19:00.002+11:00

Something I found interesting today:

Was on the bus to work and sat behind one of the local ladies. Who happened to be watching KPop music videos on her iPhone. So I got to watch snippets of B2st's Soom, DBSK's Before You Go dance version and 2NE1's Ugly before she got off. LOL. Not a bad way to spend the bus trip if I must say so myself.

A face in the crowd...

2011-11-17T00:21:00.005+11:00

For all that we struggle against conforming and strive for individuality and announce our uniqueness to the world, we are but faces in the crowd. In the crowd of so many, you are one mass of pixelated colour immortalised in a picture that captures the moments representing slices of life. A smile. A jump. That fleeting joy. A face that is caught up in nostalgia. Despite being a face out of so many, that picture evokes emotions powerful and memories deep. It isn't so bad, to be a face in the crowd.

Nov 16 2011 - The day Monash Medicine Class of 2011 snapped a pearl for memory's golden casket. On the cusp of conquering the world of adulthood and responsibilities. This is one for keeps. :D

Photo credit to http://leechinyentravel.blogspot.com/.

Happy Birthday, Fi!

2011-11-03T12:08:00.002+11:00

On the off chance that you still read my blog, happy 26th birthday!

Celebrate it with loved ones to create wonderful, beautiful memories to treasure. :P

I thank God that He made you my sister - funny, sarcastic, blunt you.

A protector, even if you do not think of yourself that way.

A friend, whom I've fought and made up with so many times, sometimes over issues so trivial they are quickly forgotten.

A confidante, with whom I can be myself.

So dear sis, have a happy birthday!

2011-11-03T12:06:00.004+11:00

Been listening to Tablo's Home ft Lee Sora. It's gorgeous and heartbreaking, so emotive and meaningful. I am in love with the arrangement, especially the piano accompaniment. I want to learn it!

2011-09-01T13:01:00.002+10:00

Tangan yang Menggapai

Merenungi tubuh yang tak bermaya
Dan mengusapi wajah penuh duka
Malang yang menimpanya kini menghantui kita
Apalah dosa hingga kau didera

Ketika kau memerlukan kasih serta belaian
Kau menjadi sasaran kezaliman

Jeritan suara
Titisan air mata
Tiada siapa yang endah

Tangan yang mengapai
Akhir layu terkulai
Seluruh harapannya berderai

Merenungi tubuh yang tak bermaya
Dan mengusapi wajah penuh luka
Malang yang menimpanya kini menghantui kita
Apalah dosa hingga kau didera

Ketika kau memerlukan kasih serta belaian
Kau menjadi sasaran kezaliman

Ke manakah hilang
Peri kemanusiaan
Bekalan tuhan untuk insan

Atas kesedaran
Mari kita pastikan
Kisah yang sedih
Tidak berulang

In honour of Malaysia's 54th birthday...

2011-09-01T10:51:00.003+10:00

SEJAHTERA MALAYSIA

Puji dan syukur pada Ilahi,
AnugerahNya tiada terhingga,
Kedamaian kemakmuran,
Malaysiaku bahagia.

Dengan tekad untuk berjaya,
Berbakti pada nusa dan bangsa,
Kami junjung cita-cita luhur,
Perpaduan seluruh negeri.

Seia sekata sehati sejiwa,
Menghadapi cabaran,
Kami sedia kami setia,
Berkorban untuk negara.

Bersemarak Malaysia tercinta,
Kibarkan panji kebesarannya,
Kami rela menjaga namamu,
Sejahtera Malaysia.

One of my favourite patriotic songs haha. I remember watching the ad when I was a kid and waiting for my favourite shows to start on RTM2 and this song would be aired. I remember how they used people of different races to sing lines of the song, how the Chinese woman would come on first and then the Indian lady with her beautiful sari and how they included the ethnic races of Eastern Malaysia as well. Fond memories. =)

2011-08-25T18:51:00.002+10:00

I got a job offer from Eastern Health! :D I'm beyond ecstatic! I really thank God for the providence and thank all the people who have been keeping all the 5th years in prayer. It's amazing. And I cannot help but smile.

Happiness is...

2011-06-13T01:18:00.003+10:00

Happiness is...

... laughter and shrieks and flailing arms even as we fall when we attempt to ice skate.

... hands held in prayer, a symbol of unity even as circumstances challenge.

... a good meal shared amongst friends, with no set conversation topics, yet without awkward silences.

... an unexpected snack because someone remembered and thought of me.

... a trip down memory lane whether it is by a snatch of a song, or a scene in a movie long thought forgotten and dismissed as missing.

... a 3 day weekend. =)

Job applications and all...

2011-05-15T19:34:00.002+10:00

So I went to the Medical Careers' Expo yesterday at the Melbourne Park Function Centre to find out more about next year's intern intake. The statistics are not in my favour, but I'll give it my best shot. Because of the increase in universities offering a post graduate MBBS, the number of graduates this year is significantly higher than it has been in previous years. This means that there is a significantly larger proportion of Group 1 candidates who will definitely be matched with a health service in Victoria and thus, fewer jobs for Group 2 candidates. I'm definitely praying hard for an offer and I will persist in pressing on. Yes, I'm worried that only 10% of the intern places next year will be available for Group 2 candidates, but at the same time, I also know that there's nothing I can do to change that number. What I can do is to make sure that my CV is polished, my cover letters are written, my references completed and that I do my research prior to the interviews in addition to prayer. And yes, I know the situation seems desperate, but at the same time, somehow, there is a sense of peace in me. I'm not sure if that means I will definitely get a job here (which I'm hoping it is) but I guess regardless of the outcome, I know that God's hand is at work and He will lead me through this time of uncertainty. The knowledge that He is in control and has the best plans for His children goes a long way in calming my nerves and helping me accept what happens. I guess I am blessed and fortunate in that sense.

Strength of a bear, hair of a lion, appetite of both. =D

2011-04-29T22:31:00.003+10:00

Just got back from life group, in which we saw William marry Kate, ate really yummy chicken curry/tau yew bak/sambal brinjal/cookies/bread pudding/sweet potato doughnuts, laughed and listened to Romans 12:1-2, 12-18 be read. I'm just really high at the moment, being on holiday, chatting to people, irritating people and really letting my hair down. And I'm glad that these people are the people I will share my life with, whether it has been the entire 5 years I've been in Melbourne, or just a year or two. I've learnt to relax, be less reserved, be more joyful, to smile and not be afraid of smiling thanks to these people. I've learnt to be comfortable in my own skin, to really let loose my wacky side, to laugh out loud with my mouth open wide. It's just amazing.

Being a medical student can be stressful and there have been many times where I've complained about time constraints and the burden of the sheer bulk of material we have to cover, but then I think again, and it's thanks to God placing me to read medicine in Monash Uni that I've come to know these precious people, not just superficially as acquaintances, but really just on that deeper level, extending the boundaries to encroach on true sisterhood/sibling-hood in Christ.

Looking back at the past 4 years, the journey has been enjoyable and when I compare myself now with how I was back then when I was a first year medical student, the difference is remarkable. I did not dare say a prayer out loud then, even giving thanks was a struggle, but I praise Him for helping me overcome that fear. Even in my studies, He has been faithful and I just realised how far He has guided me when I was talking to one of the juniors on the subject of taking histories and what questions to ask. Also for the people who have been with me since pre-university, or even just upon arrival in Melbourne but whom I am able to share with even if we're not in the same church, I am blessed. Family-wise as well, that everything has run smoothly so far, with Mummy and Papa just a phone call away when the going gets tough, and Che-che and Fiona to talk shop, catch up on what's happening or even to just recommend the occasional drama to one another, and Coach and Sheldon for advice whenever this Luddite needs something technologically advanced.

And for that 2 best friends of mine, with whom I immediately let my real self be known, thank you for being a pillar of strength and just really being there to be as deep or as superficial as time dictates. =D

This may be long and maudlin but I'd like to have it on record here so that when the Christina of the future decides to read this blog, she'll know that on 29/04/11, this is what was running through her mind. In black and white. =D

Easter and holidays

2011-04-27T23:51:00.003+10:00

I just came back from the Oceania Convention at Phillip Island. It was a really amazing experience just personally encountering God, learning how to better serve in ministry, getting to extend fellowship beyond just friends but to a real sisterhood and just really soaking in and being refreshed by Him. =D From BGR talks in a cabin late at night, playing Saboteur with the youths, having a cup noodle party the final night, to playing in a mixed team and just really letting the Spirit guide us through, to a sharing of childhood dreams and future callings, I've been abundantly blessed by this year's Easter. There was something different about this year's OC, and it is now my fervent prayer that we do not let this die down. =D

So I'm on my vacation rotation and one question I've been asked is how I plan to spend this holidays. Well, I really just want to rest and relax, and the only things I've got on agenda is to go to Canberra to renew my passport as well as all the hospital information days. I guess I am really glad for the opportunity to just do nothing and just really focus on job applications. And to start the next rotation really enthusiastic and excited, not exhausted. =D

2011-03-29T23:20:00.001+11:00

Always so tired... cannot think so negatively.

2011-03-24T23:04:00.001+11:00

Ibuprofen 200mg works wonders!

2011-03-21T23:36:00.002+11:00

Last Friday was a day of lectures back on campus. And I realised that while I enjoy hospital rotations as a taste of life as a doctor, I also miss the days of campus shenanigans, when we could all sit and have lunch together and chat, relax, recharge with coffees and just be a student through and through. It was refreshing, even if the content could have been much improved. =D It also made me realise how much I whined on this blog in 2008, when I was in 2nd year, about the schedule of lectures and tutorials and what I thought were early starts.

2011-02-28T22:22:00.001+11:00

I want a foot massage! Had a long day in the hospital, and I was on my feet for most of the time. Thank God for Bata shoes which are comfy even if they don't look that great. =D

2011-02-27T05:58:00.003+11:00

And I remember watching this back in first year. The impact is no less wrenching 4 years down the track...

Sometimes we complain about the cross, we bear not realizing that it’s preparing us for the dip in the road that God can see and we cannot…

2010-11-20T00:28:00.005+11:00

How watching this...

Led me to this...

beautiful.
(Just ignore the subs)

2010-11-19T22:15:00.005+11:00

Hehe, hopefully this will be my holidays. I've come to the conclusion that I enjoy days of doing nothing the most. =)

So my last paper was today, and I decided to tumblr/Google-image the word "freedom" because there are treasures to be found. And you know how people always say a picture paints a thousand words? I've decided that it can be true. =)

This is how I feel at the moment. Like there's a wind blowing and the sun's shining and I can just stand there and enjoy the feel of it.

And a few more gems:

And also:

To be Christ's captive is to be completely free.
- Elisabeth Elliot

I am free to run
I am free to dance
I am free to live for You
I am free
Yes, I am free
I am free!
- Newsboys

2010-11-18T21:50:00.001+11:00

One more day... =)
Sorry that this has been dead for so long. Just dropping by to express my thinly-veiled anticipation for tomorrow. =)

2010-07-01T01:56:00.000+10:00

I miss you already... =(

Quotes...

2010-06-22T04:05:00.002+10:00

"Each of us, in the journey through mortality, will travel his own Jericho Road. What will be your experience? What will be mine? Will I fail to notice him who has fallen among thieves and requires my help? Will you? Will I be one who sees the injured and hears his plea, yet crosses to the other side? Will you? Or will I be one who sees, who hears, who pauses, and who helps? Will you?"
-Thomas S. Monson

"If we don't stand up for children, then we don't stand for much."
-Marian Wright Edelman

"We, and all others who believe in freedom as deeply as we do, would rather die on our feet than live on our knees."
-Franklin D. Roosevelt

"Hope is not the conviction that something will turn out well, but the certainty that something makes sense regardless of how it turns out."
- Vaclav Havel

"Everywhere in these days people have, in their mockery, ceased to understand that the true security is to be found in social solidarity rather than in isolated individual effort. But this terrible state of affairs must inevitably have an end, and all will suddenly understand how unnaturally they are separated from one another. It will be the spirit of the time, and people will marvel that they have sat so long in darkness without seeing the light... But, until then, we must keep the banner flying. Sometimes even if he has to do it alone, and his conduct seems to be crazy, a man must set an example, and so draw other souls out of their solitude, and spur them to some act of brotherly love, that the great idea may not die."
-Fydor Dostoevsky, "The Brothers Karamozov"

"When we walk to the edge of all the light we have and take the step into the darkness of the unknown, we must believe that one of two things will happen. There will be something solid for us to stand on or we will be taught to fly."
-Patrick Overton

Swing Low Sweet Chariot sung by Kathleen Battle and Boys' Choir of Harlem

2010-06-08T02:03:00.001+10:00

Goodbye...

2010-06-07T23:31:00.001+10:00

Rest in peace, Ah Kong.

I have a dream...

2010-05-08T00:46:00.002+10:00

Look At Yourself After Watching This...

2010-05-06T22:02:00.004+10:00

Taken from a friend's facebook page.
It really opens one's eyes to all that we take for granted, to the woe-be-me attitude so prevalent today. Yet, what we do not see is what matters the most.

Lost Generation...

2010-05-05T16:50:00.002+10:00

Powerful...

2010-04-17T00:10:00.003+10:00

So this concludes week 2 of my GP rotation... Had lectures/tutorials on Monday, Wednesday and Friday, GP clinic on Tuesday and ophthalmology on Thursday.
It was an eventful week, especially with trying to get to my GP's clinic. See, I keyed in the address of the clinic into Metlink and it directed me to that place. What I didn't realise was that there are 2 places with the same address, but they're in 2 different suburbs. And guess what? I ended up in the wrong suburb. I realised it when I walked past the place and it looked like a house. So I called them up, and got the address, then went back to Oakleigh, went to an internet cafe and keyed in the right address plus suburb into Metlink in order to find out how to get there. Sigh. Fortunately, everyone at the clinic was nice, and apparently, this has happened before, so they understood my circumstances. I managed to give a few IM injections - everyone's getting the flu vaccinations.
In ophthalmology clinic, I think four of us were a bit lost and ended with the surgical team. Which was cool, because we got to observe cataract surgery and a few injections of Lucentis. The surgeon was very keen to teach, which was great, and he explained the operation to us.

Gary's on the plane now flying back to Malaysia after 12 weeks in Melbourne. We had a sharing/farewell of sorts for him at lifegroup just now. Oh and we climbed 1000 steps in Mount Dandenong last Sunday as well. I nearly died going up there. Had to stop and rest a few times. And Melissa, Chyi Wei and myself thought that the kookaburras were laughing at our level of fitness. But fortunately, there were no lasting effects from that climb on Monday, for which I'm extremely grateful. Although this reminds me that I really need to start exercising. Sigh. =( And eating healthier. =(
Haha, although today, in the wound management lecture, the lecturer did advise that dark chocolate everyday is good for blood pressure and skin. And yes, it's EVERYDAY. No need to convince me of the benefits of that. =P

* * *

Life can seem overwhelming at times, but encouragement comes in many little ways. A word from a friend, a familiar voice over the crackle of static on the phone, a whisper in the wind, a ray of light breaking through the cover of grey... how often to we take time to fully enjoy them? To bask in the warmth of the beauty of it all? To revel in the comfort of a family's love?
I need to remind myself to stop and smell the roses.

Theme Songs from Cartoons Past...

2010-04-03T00:49:00.005+11:00

I love this song. It brings back so many memories of my childhood.

I remember how my sister used to make fun of me for crying whenever I hear this song. And how I heard this song played countless times during the 6 months I was in Singapore. How Jennifer, Yit An and I searched for the score and spent hours in the music room in HCIBS playing this song on the piano.

I miss watercolour animation. Old school is the best for me.

We are the world 25 for Haiti...

2010-03-28T23:21:00.006+11:00

[Justin Bieber]
There comes a time
When we heed a certain call
[Nicole Scherzinger & Jennifer Hudson]
When the world must come together as one
[Jennifer Hudson]
There are people dying
[Jennifer Nettles]
And it’s time to lend a hand to life
The greatest gift of all
[Josh Groban]
We can’t go on
Pretending day by day
[Tony Bennet]
that someone, somehow will soon make a change
[Mary J Blige]
We are all a part of
God’s great big family
And the truth, you know love is all we need

[Chorus]
[Michael Jackson]
We are the world
We are the children
[Michael Jackson and Janet Jackson]
We are the ones who make a brighter day
So let’s start giving
[Barbra Streisand]
There’s a choice we’re making
We’re saving our own lives
It’s true we’ll make a better day
Just you and me

[Miley Cyrus]
Send them your heart
So they’ll know that someone cares
[Enrique Iglesias]
so their cries for help
will not be in vain
[Nicole Scherzinger]
We can’t let them suffer
no we cannot turn away
[Jamie Foxx]
Right now they need a helping hand
[Wyclef Jean]
Nou se mond la
We are the Children
[Adam Levine]
We are the ones who make a brighter day
so lets start giving
[Pink]
There’s a choice we’re making
We’re saving our own lives
[BeBe Winans]
It’s true we’ll make a better day
Just you and me

[Michael Jackson]
When you’re down and out
There seems no hope at all
[Usher]
But if you just believe
There’s no way we can fall
[Celine Dion]
Well, well, well, well, let us realize
That a change can only come
[Fergie]
When we stand together as one

[Chorus - All]
We are the world
We are the children
We are the ones who make a brighter day
So let’s start giving
[Nick Jonas]
Got to start giving
[All]
There’s a choice we’re making
We’re saving our own lives
[Toni Braxton]
It’s true we’ll make a better day
Just you and me
[Mary Mary]
We are the world
We are the children
[Tony Bennet]
Its for the children
[Isaac Slade]
We are the ones who make a brighter day
[Toni Braxton]
So lets start giving

[Lil Wayne]
There’s a choice we’re making
We’re saving our own lives
It’s true we’ll make a better day
Just you and me

[Chorus - All]
We are the world
We are the children
We are the ones who make a brighter day
So let’s start giving
[Akon]
There’s a choice we’re making
We’re saving our own lives
It’s true we make a better day
Just you and me

[T-Pain]
We are the world
We are the children
We are the ones who make a brighter day
So let’s start giving
[Jamie Foxx imitating Ray Charles]
Choice we're making
saving our own lives
It’s true we’ll make a better day
Just you and me

[Rapping - LL Cool J, Will-I-Am, Snoop Dogg, Busta Rhymes, Swizz Beatz]
We all need somebody that we can lean on
when you wake up look around and see that your dream's gone
when the earth quakes we’ll help you make it through the storm
when the floor breaks a magic carpet to stand on
we are the World united by love so strong
when the radio isn’t on you can hear the songs
a guided light on the dark road your walking on
a sign post to find the dreams you thought was gone
someone to help you move the obstacles you stumbled on
someone to help you rebuild after the rubble’s gone
we are the World connected by a common bond
Love the whole planet sing it along
[Wyclef]
CABARETT

[Chorus - All]

[Kanye West]
Everyday citizens
everybody pitching in

[Singing - Children & Wyclef Jean]
Nou se mond la
nou se timoun yo

[Will-I-Am]
You and I
You and I
[Kanye West]
Uh, 12 days no water
whats your will to live?
[Will-I-Am]
we amplified the love we watch it multiply
[Kanye West]
Feeling like the World's end
we can make the World win
[Will-I-Am]
Like Katrina, Africa, Indonesia
and now Haiti needs us, the need us, they need us

[Chorus - All]
[Wyclef Jean]
Ayiti, Ayiti, Ay, Ay, Ay, Ay, Ay
Ayiti, Ayiti, Ay, Ay, Ay, Ay, Ay
Ayiti, Ayiti, Ay, Ay, Ay, Ay, Ay
lyrics courtesy of www.killerhiphop.com
[End]

Really thank Grace for telling me about this song. =) Beautiful, meaningful and inspirational. It makes one feel like there's still hope, you know? And that we can be a part of making that hope a reality...

Sporadic updates...

2010-03-27T00:00:00.002+11:00

Hmm... my updates seem to be more sporadic as days pass me by. I suppose the inclination to blog fluctuates depending on what goes on in my life.
I started my adult inpatient psych rotation this week, and it's been... OK. My opinion on psych as a whole can be summed up by these 2 letters. It's amazing how perceptive the consultants and registrars are, how insightful they can be when it comes to piecing the fragments of the patient's story together, how they seem to know so much. I remember when one of them drew the attention of the class of 8 medical students to the fact that what happened in the patient's family in the past could be related to the current mental illness that the patient has in the present. The whole room echoed with the revelatory "oh~". Yet I find myself feeling... underwhelmed? dissatisfied? disgruntled? I'm not sure but I do know that psych is not a particular interest of mine.
I saw yet another patient restrained this week. The patient was very intent on banging his head on the door of the room he was in, and was running full speed headlong into said door. The male nurse in the room rugby-tackled him to stop him and then pressed the duress alarm. Within minutes the room was swarmed by all the staff and personnel on the ward. The patient was actively swearing and was later placed in seclusion.
Had life group today. Enjoyed it very much, especially the Yu Wan and Fawn Special. =) And was strongly reminded that:

It's all about You, Jesus,
And all this is for You,
For Your glory and Your name,
It's not about me,
As if You should do things my way,
You alone are God,
And I surrender, to Your ways.

Hospital life...

2010-03-19T23:41:00.002+11:00

Hmm..., so I've just completed my rotation in the aged psychiatric ward, and have seen the fair share of rather aggressive patients. The first one was male elderly gentleman who refused his medications. He kept coming by the nurses' station, insisting that his cigarettes were kept there. He got angry when the nurses couldn't find them and due to some unfortunate circumstances and perhaps carelessness on our part, he entered the nurses' station to rummage through the drawers himself. The medical staff then left the station and called security to remove him. He was then placed in seclusion, where he ripped a toenail off by banging against the doors. And all along, the cigarettes were actually with him, and he had dropped them onto the floor. The second one was also an elderly gentleman who presented with paranoid delusions and had a background of aggression and violence. He was certain that the medical staff were preventing his family from visiting him and insisted on leaving the ward. Medical staff had to call security in order to give him his zuclopenthixol acetate injection. The snag was that he was so strong and muscular and fit that at least 5 guards were required to subdue him. The area was cleared and each security guard took hold of a limb and one stabilised the trunk. They then lifted him into seclusion and had to restrain him so that the nurse could give him his injection. The third was an elderly gentleman who somehow got hold of a branch with a sharp end. He was holding it threateningly and was subdued by 2 nurses. He was then placed in the HDU but somehow got out of it and almost managed to enter the nurses' station, where my friend and I were getting our duress alarms.
It was quite scary to see the situations where the patients were escalating and becoming aggressive and menacing. Yet at the same time, I have to remind myself that they are unwell, that they are not always that threatening. And it makes me realise that the nurses in the psych wards are amazing - brave and calm in the face of the storm.
That said however, my experience at the aged psych ward was a fulfilling one. Affa and I got to call patients' relatives and GPs, write in patients' files and even presented an MSE during the team meeing in front of the consultant. =) We felt like part of the treating team, that we were helping the intern and the registrars, that we were contributing and not merely wallflowers. We were so proud and excited at getting to write in the notes. Imagine being excited about paperwork, LOL.
My next rotation is adult inpatient psychiatric ward. I wonder how it will be like...

Falling Slowly - Glen Hansard

2010-02-22T17:49:00.001+11:00

I don't know you
But I want you
All the more for that
Words fall through me
And always fool me
And I can't react
And games that never amount
To more than they're meant
Will play themselves out

Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you have a choice
You'll make it now

Falling slowly, eyes that know me
And I can't go back
Moods that take me and erase me
And I'm painted black
You have suffered enough
And warred with yourself
It's time that you won

Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you had a choice
You've made it now
Falling slowly sing your melody
I'll sing along

Slice of my life...

2010-02-14T00:43:00.002+11:00

Happy Chinese New Year, everyone! And Happy Valentine's Day too! =)
Today started at 8.45 for me, as Zhi Lin and I had arranged to go to Springvale to buy groceries. And Calvin hitched a ride from Zhi Lin as well. =) It was a hassle trying to find a parking space in Springvale, what with everyone doing their last minute shopping for the new year and jam-packing all the parking lots. But we managed to purchase all that we needed and left at around noon. We left the steamboat condiments at Calvin's because of the availability of the 8 fridges in the house, and marinated the chicken and pork there as well. Then I came back, had lunch and napped until 4pm.

I fried chicken for the reunion dinner at Chau Wang's, Shea Chuen's, Justina's and Jessica's new place. We had a steamboat and it was really wonderful catching up with everyone else, especially now that everyone's doing a different rotation at a different hospital. And Fi, I wore the grey shirt you gave me, ok? I didn't wear the usual T-shirts I normally sport. And I've got pics to back it up too.

And at around 10, we left for Yun Ying's, Ryan's, Jian's and Ravind's housewarming, where we played Pictionary and lit up sparklers. And Snap as well. Though I was busy eating Cheezels at that time.
All in all, today was not a bad day. Although it lacked the hype of a Chinese New Year celebration back home, it was still great to renew ties with old friends and remember that we may be physically far from home, but we stil carry a piece of it with us, in the way we treasure cultural practices like this. =)
Thanks for hosting us and making this new year away from home as similar to one at home as possible!

Humility...

2010-02-12T22:49:00.002+11:00

It's difficult, to be truly humble... not thinking highly of oneself, to acknowledge that there are people better than you, to be comfortable with it and accept it. To not personify fake humility for the sake of compliments. Pride is a major stumbling block for me. Pride in my own abilities and strengths. Pride which has added miles to the distance between God and myself. Ah, for it to dissipate! Blown away with the winds... And in its place, love... For God, for the people around me, for myself the way He meant for it to be. And with love, a sense of belonging, an answer to a calling, a completion of a previously unfinished works...

2010-02-10T23:40:00.003+11:00

My back finally stopped aching. How fortunate, yeah?
I really admire the child psychiatrists I've been shadowing. Their mental toughness is something that I really want to have. Because no matter how tired they are after speaking to child after child after adolescent after adolescent, they still persist in giving their best in what they do.
Guess it's a short one today.

Fears...

2010-02-10T00:49:00.003+11:00

Today I sat in on one of the consultant interviews with an involuntary patient. It was, to me, a difficult interview because the interviewee was not forthcoming with the answers and I did not manage to get a clear picture of what the situation was like. The family background was also not a conducive one, with the case manager mentioning that it was a pathological family. There were many issues surrounding said patient's hospitalization, including the relationship with both parents and violence and aggression management. But I think that it was an eye opener and something that I have to learn, because the only interviews I've done for this rotation have been on simulated patients.
Anyway, my back still aches... and I'm wondering if I should see a doctor or a physiotherapist. Sigh. I'll give it one more day.
Wan Jie and I have been telling each other that we find references to mental health everywhere now that we're in this rotation. LOL. But I suppose that fact holds true in any rotation that I've done - I become paranoid (and I'm using this term loosely) and find signs/symptoms of conditions that I've just learnt in myself. LOL.
But I suppose that because the mind is such a fluid thing, with so much uncertainty, so much room for error, that I have to admit that I am afraid of saying the wrong thing, reacting wrongly that I may cause irreparable damage. That fear that I would not be able to uphold the Hippocratic oath to first do no harm. Sigh.
Listening to Falling Slowly by Kris Allen. Beautiful song.

Resuscitation...

2010-02-08T22:48:00.002+11:00

So I've been walking around like an old lady (or at least I think I do) because of my backache, but other than that, everything's been normal. Started my first day on the children's and adolescents' psych ward. It's a very different experience compared to the more traditional, conservative, stereotypical wards. There are no ward rounds and the boundaries between the many health providers available are not as clearly delineated as in, say, the cardiology ward or any of the surgical wards. There are various inpatient services provided and the way they manage the teenagers is through what they term 'milieu therapy'. It's thought provoking because while it's not as 'medicine' as what one may expect, it cannot be denied that it works with the target population. So Afrah and I sat in on one of the interviews the consultant conducted and then joined in the group activities that formed part of milieu therapy. Had a tutorial and was back home at 3pm, which is good because it's early, but not-so-good in that I'm in my room when it feels like an oven due to the setting sun's rays. Passed Ivy her preserved plums as well. =)
Met up with Sharon, Yi Xin, Celine and Cass for dinner to catch up. It's been quite a while since we all sat down and had a meal together. I think the last time we did something like this was in the first half of 2009, when Jia Chee was still around. We reminisced about first year and Farrer and Jia Chee for a bit. They left to watch a movie (which Sharon insisted on watching because George Clooney is in it) and Wan Jie and I got Hello Pandas and came back home.
Been listening to 21 Guns by Green Day and Mad World by Adam Lambert. Haha. Unsure if they're good choices though, as to me, they have a slightly depressing feel to them. And I'm on my psych rotation at the moment. Transference? Sigh.

2010-02-06T21:08:00.002+11:00

I've got a backache. Lower back, around L4-L5 region. Most likely to be a muscular strain, though this is a self diagnosis. Hurts when I extend it. Sigh. Probably due to incorrect posture when sitting.
Hopefully will be fully clear come Monday.

2010-02-06T01:02:00.000+11:00

TESTIFY TO LOVE

All the colors of the rainbow
All the voices of the wind
Every dream that reaches out
That reaches out to find where love begins
Every word of every story
Every star in every sky
Every corner of creation lives to testify

For as long as I shall live
I will testify to love
I'll be a witness in the silences
when words are not enough
With every breath I take
I will give thanks to God above
For as long as I shall live
I will testify to love

From the mountains to the valleys
From the rivers to the sea
Every hand that reaches out
Every hand that reaches out to offer peace
Every simple act of mercy
Every stop to kingdom come
All the hope in every heart will speak
what love has done

Wynonna

2009-11-06T01:04:00.001+11:00

To all who are mugging for exams... some encouragement and a timely reminder to smell the fresh air and enjoy the freshness of rain. =)

2009-10-18T18:07:00.002+11:00

The glory that shines from within us is not our own; it is God’s glory and His alone. Our brother, Paul, explains that we are jars of clay – fragile, chipped, imperfect – exactly as God designed us to be. In this way, others see the “all surpassing power” of God through our weakened frames and shattered lives. We are monuments of God’s grace with an inscription written in God’s own hand: “within this earthen container, the one true God is at work.”

Yet we try to put our own “shine” on our simple jars of clay. We maneuver and posture to make our jars looks better. We decorate the outside with ecclesiastical “vain glories” that we call image, power, position, wealth. Quite simply, we try to make ourselves appear more than what we are, failing to grasp that God loves us just for who we are – His own creations.

When we try to make it look like we are the ones who shine, we inevitably reveal our “easily surpasssable power.” Yet this gives us greater understanding that in our weakness, God is strong. His light shines through even greater; His strength is revealed when we acknowledge we are God’s jars of clay.

- Purpose Driven Life Daily Devotional

***

It's when we lack a necessity, when the common becomes scarce, when there seems to be nothing to pull us back from the darkness that constantly threatens to shroud us ... and when we turn to Him - that we realise that indeed, we have an abundance promised to us, this overwhelming supply by He who provides.
And although the tendency is to whinge and whine and be generally irritable and grumpy when exam season is upon us, there is reason for thankfulness, for the fact that we have ample opportunity to learn, no? =)

But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

- Matthew 6:33

More quotes...

2009-09-17T23:53:00.003+10:00

I believe that unarmed truth and unconditional love will have the final word in reality. This is why right, temporarily defeated, is stronger than evil triumphant.

- Martin Luther King

Each of us, in the journey through mortality, will travel his own Jericho Road. What will be your experience? What will be mine? Will I fail to notice him who has fallen among thieves and requires my help? Will you? Will I be one who sees the injured and hears his plea, yet crosses to the other side? Will you? Or will I be one who sees, who hears, who pauses, and who helps? Will you?

- Thomas S. Monson

If we don't stand up for children, then we don't stand for much.

- Marian Wright Edelman

We, and all others who believe in freedom as deeply as we do, would rather die on our feet than live on our knees.

- Franklin D. Roosevelt

Hope is not the conviction that something will turn out well, but the certainty that something makes sense regardless of how it turns out.

- Vaclav Havel

Everywhere in these days people have, in their mockery, ceased to understand that the true security is to be found in social solidarity rather than in isolated individual effort. But this terrible state of affairs must inevitably have an end, and all will suddenly understand how unnaturally they are separated from one another. It will be the spirit of the time, and people will marvel that they have sat so long in darkness without seeing the light... But, until then, we must keep the banner flying. Sometimes even if he has to do it alone, and his conduct seems to be crazy, a man must set an example, and so draw other souls out of their solitude, and spur them to some act of brotherly love, that the great idea may not die.

- Fydor Dostoevsky
"The Brothers Karamozov"

When we walk to the edge of all the light we have and take the step into the darkness of the unknown, we must believe that one of two things will happen. There will be something solid for us to stand on or we will be taught to fly.

- Patrick Overton

Family isn't about whose blood you have. It's about who you care about.
- Trey Parker and Matt Stone

Events...

2009-09-16T17:40:00.003+10:00

Anyway, to those who read the last post and were curious, I did not give in to the cravings. Haha.
So, today didn't start off as well as I'd have liked. I received this email telling me that my tutor did not receive my assignment for marking although I distinctly remember submitting said assignment together with my group members. So I had to reprint the whole assignment and resubmit it. But it ended well, because the person I had to resubmit my assignment to also remembered ticking everybody's names off when she collected all submitted assignments. So long as there was a record that I wasn't late in handing in the assignment in the first place, I'm OK.
And then John called me at 7 in the morning to tell me he was taking Zepeng to the ED because of what John said was "GI bleeding". Apparently, he was vomiting blood. So when one of the lectures got cancelled because the lecturer couldn't open his powerpoint file (which ironically was on upper GI bleeds), a whole bunch of us went to see him. The ensuing conversation was hilarious what with all the descriptions of what was going on as well as the DDxes we came up with. And then we got chased away by a nurse because there were too many of us in that cubicle. And also probably because we were laughing too loudly and making too much noise. LOL. Oh, and Zepeng was discharged and met us all in the LT after the neuroanatomy lecture.
So after that, we continued with our lectures and then my OHS group went on the mandatory field trip. Lo and behold, we got lost on the way back, ending up in Keysborough on Damien's GPS' directions to Brown's Road, Clayton. LOLOL.
Eventful day, much?

Cravings...

2009-09-16T00:16:00.002+10:00

I've a craving for Korean Ramyun. The instant type. With the yummy soup that is the spiciest instant noodle soup I can find. At 12.19 in the morning. HELP!

Ok, I sound crazy. LOL. =D

Friendship...

2009-09-14T21:10:00.005+10:00

EDIT: Just because I feel the truth in these words... Hope IS eternal. =)
=D

How true...

Definitely...

You know who you are, BFF!

* * *

I remember a time when writing in classmates' autographs was the craze in school. I looked forward to penning lines in the books with multicoloured pens and decorating those entries with stickers of all shapes, size and colour. Those were the days when my classmates and I would borrow those books home and mull and agonize over the words that would be inscribed. How to make it interesting, exciting, memorable. Because to our 12 year old minds and hearts, the transition from primary school to the mysterious environment of secondary school would inevitably lead to separation and the demise of relationships cultivated in the 6 years we spent together. And that the messages in the autographs would be the only mementoes of those hours spent in the classroom with only the whirring of ceiling fans in the background, of scrapes and tears and laughter and tomfoolery. It was bittersweet; the anticipation of a mature evolution of self against the backdrop of rents and tears in the fabric of childhood friendship.
I miss my primary school friends. The simplicity, naivete and innocence that was so apparent in our interactions, the many games we played during recess, the many blunders we made during PJK and classes, the prank played on a teacher involving a terrapin from science class, the trials and tribulations of the dreaded final exams... I would not be where I am now without these memories to mould me. I miss those times, yet I know that time moves on... as should I. Right?

Really really out of the blue update... =) aka because Fiona bugged me to

2009-09-13T23:11:00.003+10:00

Haha, the title is so long it could be a post in itself =P.
Days are getting warmer here. Had to switch on my fan to sleep last night. And it's still only the beginning of spring. This worries me because summer's looking to be a scorching one. =(
I realised that I really have pack rat tendencies. Which extends beyond the usual gifts and nostalgic memorabilia, but also to food. Especially junk food. Whenever any of the supermarkets have discounts on chocolates/biscuits/starbursts/squirms/potato chips, I have this urge to buy them and stock them up. Until I realised recently that I have waaaaaaaaay too much junk in the kitchen cupboard. LOL. And Fi, don't you dare say anything about my weight! =P Think I don't know you? LOL.
Other than that, not much of a difference. Completed the renal/rheumatology rotation. Starting gastro tomorrow. Haha. Which really hammers in the fact that the year is drawing to a close now. Because the rotation after that will be the last rotation of the year and I'll be in anaesthetics/respi. That means exams are uncomfortably near now. Sigh... OSCEs too.
And Ian and Ivy's wedding is in 2 weeks time. LOL. Which will be exciting. =)

Ramblings...

2009-07-27T22:06:00.002+10:00

I have been asked many times why I like oncology and why I hope to specialise in so depressing a field. People have told me that I am setting myself up for heartache and sorrow. But there is a satisfaction in helping someone who is in such considerable pain just experience a moment's relief. There is a joy in the health of a patient in remission who is doing well. There is a contentment in just improving the quality of life of someone such that he or she is able to enjoy life. There will be many times when there is not much that the doctor can do in terms of managing the disease. And it is heartbreaking and frustrating when that happens. But then you get a warm smile from a patient; or the patients thank you despite the fact that there isn't much that you can do; when they leave, perhaps a little more reassured than when they entered the room; it's times like this that make me even more determined. And when you do get the patient who is doing well, who is in long standing remission, it makes the victory all the more sweeter.

Pic quotes...

2009-07-26T21:32:00.002+10:00

This was the Irish blessing on the farewell card my Asean mates gave me back in 2005... with their well wishes inscribed... I still have that card today.

Ah, happiness! Sounds so simple, eh?

Happiness in the palms of your hands...

Live out your dreams! =)

Finally! Update...

2009-07-24T20:54:00.002+10:00

I've been neglecting my blog for quite a while now... have not even written anything about the UK trip, in which the scenery was breathtaking. The jet lag was horrible though. LOL. I took so long just to attune my body to Melbourne time. There were days when I woke up at 2am, when some of my friends have only gone to sleep. But the memories of the trip are worth it. =)
Anyway, school's started and I'm currently on the oncology/breast surgery rotation. It's been pretty good so far, although my group is now isolated from the rest of the cohort. This semester is going to be tough though. Especially since there's so much more expected of us compared to the first semester. But with God's grace and my family's and friends' support, I will carry on. =)
Had to reformat my laptop last weekend. It just decided to die on me and not start Windows normally. I had to reinstall Windows but fortunately, I had backup from the last time I reformatted, which was last year. Plus most of my work this year is stored in gmail, so I did not have to suffer catastrophic loss. =)

Update...

2009-06-13T01:21:00.001+10:00

I love this song.

God will make a way,
Where there seems to be no way,
He works in ways we cannot see,
He will make a way for me,
He will be my guide,
Hold me closely to His side,
With love and strength for each new day,
He will make a way,
He will make a way...

I always find encouragement and comfort in the living God that I believe in, that He can and He will make a way in difficult situations. To know that He will never leave me nor forsake me. To realise that He is an infinite God of infinite possibilities. =) He never fails to cheer me up when I feel disappointed, to calm me down when I lose my head in distress, or to remind me of all my blessings when I am disgruntled with my circumstances.
Plus this also reminds me of that one Sunday back in Sunway Lagoonview where Wendy and I were talking about our favourite songs, me on my bed and Wendy on Kohila's bed and both of us just randomly started singing this particular song. Wendy dear, I miss you!

CONGRATULATIONS!!

2009-06-04T23:27:00.001+10:00

To my dearest sister, Fi!
CONGRATULATIONS!! Was it ever in doubt that you'll graduate with FIRST CLASS honours? =D The world's your oyster now. =)
I'll see you in Scotland soon!!
♥, Chris.

Yet more quotes...

2009-05-28T23:38:00.002+10:00

Some of the quotes that I found inspiring. =)

Images...

2009-05-28T00:13:00.003+10:00

I love Google Images. =)

Weird and random...

2009-05-22T00:04:00.004+10:00

There are pages in everyone's life that are blank. Pristine. Clean. And there are pages that are meant for reading. And the words weave a story that is compelling, a tale fraught with meaning and a depth that cannot be fathomed with just a skim of the pages. These words speak deep when one reads between the lines. The question is this: do we take the time to actually do so?

There is always a story behind a face, behind a heart. And sometimes, the stories are not what we expect. Hidden sorrow, tears, desperation, depression... one may never know until one listens. Unfortunately, human nature is one that seeks self gratification. And the love of one's voice may deafen said person to the sounds that tell of the lives others lead.

Thoughts...

2009-05-16T16:54:00.005+10:00

Silence is golden.

Except when there's injustice.

And a friend is at the losing end of it.

What would you do if there was an opportunity to speak up?

To act out?

I really wouldn't know what I would do.

Self preservation is a trait I am guilty of having.

Even if the circumstances rankle and rile me up.

I have not been in such a situation yet.

But I have thought about it.

And although the course of action should be easy, because really, the decision shouldn't be difficult, I find myself conflicted.

So what would you do?

* * *

In the end, we remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.

- Martin Luther King Jr.

Random quotes...

2009-05-11T22:21:00.006+10:00

People always say that, when you love someone, nothing in the world matters. But that's not true, is it? You know, and I know, that when you love someone, everything in the world matters a bit more.

- Sean O' Keefe in Jodi Picoult's Handle with Care.

ten days of perfect tunes
the colors red and blue
we had a promise made
we were in love

to call for hands of above
to lean on
wouldn't be good enough
for me, no

to call for hands of above
to lean on
wouldn't be good enough

- Heartbeats by Jose Gonzalez

Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up.

- Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

It's a change
that reaches down and suddenly lifts you,
At the end
of a rainy day when you sat alone and cried.
It's a sign
that lets you know there is a life awaiting,
The day
you make your peace with the love in you that died.

When the pain dies down
And the dam becomes a river.
The fire burns out under the rain.
Can you feel it now?
It's gone from you forever.
Fading out under the rain.

Like a train,
That takes its time pulling out of the station.
It's a dream
that comforts you in the middle of the night.
It's a song
that carries you to a better emotion.
And now,
Now you know it's going to be alright.

When the pain dies down,
And the dam becomes a river.
The fire burns out under the rain.
Can you hear me now?
A simple conversation
Fading out under the rain.

The past is there behind you
and nothing is forever.
Dancing on the river again
da da da da da da
la da da da da
la da da da da da dum
la da da da da da daa

When the pain dies down,
And the dam becomes a river.
The fire burns out under the rain
Can you feel it now?
It's gone from you forever
Fading out turning away.

When the pain dies down....

-When the Pain Dies Down sung by Chris Stills

From Grey's Anatomy Season 5 Episode 22: What a Difference a Day Makes...

2009-05-09T01:19:00.007+10:00

Today is the day my life begins. Today, I become a citizen of the world. Today, I become a grown up. Today, I become accountable to someone other than myself and my parents, accountable for more than my grades. Today, I become accountable to the world, to the future, to all the possibilities that life has to offer. Starting today, my job is to show up, wide eyed and willing and ready. For what? I don't know. For anything. For everything. To take on life. To take on love. To take on the responsibility and possibility. Today, my friends, our lives begin. And I for one, can't wait.

- Becca Wells as played by Amy Gumenick

***

Today is the day my life begins. All my life, I've been just me, just a smart-mouthed kid. Today I become a man. Today I become a husband. Today I become accountable to someone other than myself. Today I become accountable to you, to our future, to all possibilities that our marriage has to offer. Together, no matter what happens, I'll be ready. For anything. For everything. To take on life. To take on love. To take on possibility and responsibility. Today, Izzie Stevens, our life together begins. And I for one, can't wait.

- Alexander Karev as played by Justin Chambers

Rainbows...

2009-05-08T16:56:00.001+10:00

And God said, "This is the sign of the covenant I am making between me and you and every living creature with you, a covenant for all generations to come: I have set my rainbow in the clouds, and it will be the sign of the covenant between me and the earth. Whenever I bring clouds over the earth and the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will remember my covenant between me and you and all living creatures of every kind. Never again will the waters become a flood to destroy all life. Whenever the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and all living creatures of every kind on the earth."

Genesis 9: 12-16

Good luck!

2009-05-05T22:48:00.005+10:00

Best of luck, Fi! A good luck charm for you! Just in case you chance upon this blog again before any other paper. =)
And to Wendy as well, dear, best of luck! And persevere with the strength I know you have within you as well as the strength that God provides. =)
♥, Chris.

Before someone implies I'm a pot...

2009-05-04T19:49:00.003+10:00

It's amazing the multitude of images one can pull up on Google by typing in the most obscure, abstract words. And the pictures are really beautiful and meaningful as well. As they say, a picture paints a thousand words. And it's true. I find myself awestruck by the poignancy some of the photographs depict. Or the raw emotions that sometimes make me catch my breath with the intensity. Plus the fact that one has the liberty to interpret the meaning behind the captured moment which allows for the imagination to work. =)

Friendship as a destination to arrive at... how apt! I personally am of the opinion that many people desire true friendship in their lives, but then many aspects of our lives make us deviate from the road that leads us there. Hypocrisy, fear, lack of social grace... it's difficult to establish a friendship with someone if we are constantly wearing a mask to hide our true selves. But a friendship that is lasting and enduring is of as great a value as unearthing a rare gem. =) And arriving at the destination after a gruelling, difficult journey makes it all that much sweeter...

I love the words on this. It's uplifting. Inspirational. Meaningful to both the speaker and the recipient. The writer and the reader. That the life one leads has made a difference to at least one person. That it was not in vain. There are many incidences when one may feel awkward, isolated, alone in the midst of so many people. It's easy to think that no one cares in today's day and age, where everyone is so caught up in the rat race, where nary a day passes by without someone doing something only because he/she has an ulterior motive. It's sad that loneliness and isolation can still exist despite the many people we meet daily. That one can still feel lost in a crowd of faces. But these words speak volumes. And the power conveyed is undeniable.

I have always loved cartoons/comics. Especially Calvin and Hobbes and Winnie the Pooh. For the simple reason that the relationships established between the characters are able to teach me a thing or two about the way friendships are meant to be: unchanging, accepting, lasting. It speaks to the child in me of innocence and trust. Of having faith in the kindness of people, in the very nature of mankind. And of the power of imagination. Whether it's in the 100 Acre Wood or in Calvin's house, the escapades and adventures never lose the warmth that defines the very heart of their interactions.

Haha, I'm strongly reminded of Joel who loves dolphins very very much. =D I find this picture very playful, joyful and it's almost like the dolphins are frolicking in the sun. Just the way spending time with friends should be like.Time spent building each other up. =) Time spent in enjoyment. That at the very basic level, there should be a realisation that it's fun to be with friends, that it should not be an obligation or a duty. I think that sometimes, people can lose sight of that, especially in the hustle and bustle of one's routine.

Pretty, isn't it? How every hand is integral in completing the picture. Kind of like how friends complete each other. =) Even missing one finger would make the star not a star. Right? =)

Quotes...

2009-05-02T20:19:00.010+10:00

No matter how dark the moment, love and hope are always possible.

- George Chakiris
American dancer and actor
1934-present

In order for the light to shine so brightly, the darkness must be present.

- Francis Bacon
English lawyer and philosopher
1561-1626

But groundless hope, like unconditional love, is the only kind worth having.

- John Perry Barlow
American writer
1947-present

Hope is faith holding out its hand in the dark.

- George Iles
English author
1852-1942

Update... finally. =)

2009-05-01T15:49:00.003+10:00

For every recollection of him that involved a bullet or a scream, she would have a hundred others: of a little boy splashing in a pond, or riding a bicycle for the first time, or waving from the top of a jungle gym. Of a kiss good night, or a crayoned Mother's Day card, or a voice off-key in the shower. She would string them together - the moments when her child had been just like other people's. She would wear them, precious pearls, every day of her life; because if she lost them, the boy she had loved and raised and known would really be gone.

-Jodi Picoult, in Nineteen Minutes-

The excerpt above really haunted me in its beauty and the depth of the emotions conveyed. The sorrow of a mother's loss. The desperation in just holding on to the fragments of a life lived just so that the child will be remembered. The resemblance of normalcy before catastrophe struck. I'd recommend the book to anyone who loves to read.

I've been neglecting my blog lately. Sorry! It's been more than a month since I updated. LOL. In the meantime, I've been to Easter camp aka OC, enjoyed a restful Easter break, watched neurosurgery (deep brain stimulation), attended a wedding, attempted cannulation on a poor fifth year medical student and had cannulation done on me. =) Oh and I also broke my comb into two pieces: one with the teeth and the other, the handle. While I was combing my hair. Sigh...

Past reflections...

2009-03-28T01:10:00.002+11:00

From my Facebook Notes, as written last year. For the sake of updating my blog, lol.

May 9th.

"Anne Shirley: Can’t you even imagine you’re in the depths of despair?
Marilla Cuthbert: No, I cannot. To despair is to turn your back on God."
- Anne of Green Gables

We all have faith. Perhaps a belief in things unseen. Or a trust in an omniscient, omnipotent, omnipresent higher being. A confidence that we all have a part to play in the grand scheme of life, and the calm and peace that arises from knowing that all that happens is planned.
Yet we despair, we stress, we complain and whinge when things do not go our way. Faith is best manifested in acceptance - of both good and bad. For the trials and challenges we overcome are not without purpose. We learn, we change, we become better people for every hurdle we clear, every journey completed, every step taken.
We cannot see the trails we must tread, but at every fork in the road, we make a choice. A decision. To continue on the same path, or to change the direction. What governs our resolution? The here and now, or the destination we have in sight?

"We live by faith, not by sight."
- 2 Corinthians 5:7

April 20th:

"Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing, some people have entertained angels without knowing it."
-Hebrews 13:2-

Today's world is a dangerous place. And many times, I am inclined to be cynical and pessimistic, more inclined to believe in Man's evil than in the potential for goodness that lies beneath. We are brought up to be cautious, to not trust easily. We lose our naivete and innocence at an early age. I remember when I was nine years old, a boy went missing back home and until today, has not been found. The tension and fear and worry was almost palpable then. My mother would not allow my siblings and me to go anywhere unaccompanied. Rumours were flying everywhere- that the boy had been sold in Thailand, that his organs were harvested and put on the black market, that he had his limbs amputated to elicit sympathy from passers-by so that they would give generously to the little beggar boy...

It kind of makes me wonder, how am I to live the verse above today. I know I have to contextualize,and not compromise, but how do I show hospitality to strangers in today's day and age? Yet, God asks us to. And this verse struck a note in my heart. I do not know why yet, but perhaps it ignited this spark of hope that maybe, maybe all hope is not lost yet. Redemption is still possible, and not all mankind is corrupt and untrustworthy. Faith in God and His work in us and through us will never be misplaced. And He will never ever let us down. Call me idealistic, unrealistic or a Pollyanna, but I will have faith in Him.

"Strangers are just family you have yet to come to know."
-The Blue Man, as written by Mitch Albom-
The Five People You Meet In Heaven

Reflective...

2009-03-22T22:45:00.004+11:00

Amidst the hustle and bustle that clutters life today, the magnificence of a seemingly ordinary day can be very easily overlooked. We forget to take a step back and just enjoy the blossoms of intense colour, the music of the rustling leaves, the feel of a breeze against our faces. And I realise that there are so many blessings to be thankful for. That gratitude need not be reserved only for the great and thunderous, but should also be demonstrated for the gentle and the unassuming. The extraordinary can often be found in the everyday, no?

Hospital...

2009-03-07T00:08:00.003+11:00

I've completed my attachment to the Cardiology/Cardiothoracic Surgery unit and will commence my rotation with the General Medicine unit on Tuesday. I say that because Monday is Labour Day which is not a university holiday, but is a hospital one, so the residents on the unit are not expecting us medical students on Monday. Completed my MCR , so it was an immense relief. Upcoming is the first PBL seminar on osteoarthritis, which is due for presentation on the 18th of March. And I should revise the GI and respiratory histories and examinations.

***
Had a pretty bad headache yesterday. So I took 2 Nurofen tablets which Wan Jie supplied me with, and then one more after 4 hours. And slept. I think I slept until almost 4 in the afternoon yesterday, LOL. But it was worth it, because I felt much better after that. Jayne passed me this beautiful paper rose with a wonderful message in the afternoon. =) How blessed am I? I did not go to the Back to School Party though, as I did not want to overdo it.
Anyway, tomorrow is another day. =)

Realisations anew...

2009-02-22T20:24:00.004+11:00

In life, there will always be moments where you feel broken, and the people who would piece you back are not by your side. When homesickness assaults your senses and it seems like your private world is crumbling down because of the darkness gnawing at your heart. When the loneliness gets too much to bear, especially at times that bring words like 'home' and 'family' to mind. It's always the pain of fresh separation that gets to me the most - the transition from the comfort zone of being surrounded by loved ones to the hectic schedule of studies.
But it's times where I'm at my most vulnerable that I am struck by how much I have been blessed to have a God who loves me so much. Because I know the reason I made the choice to leave home is based on what I stand to gain from it - opportunity, new experiences, a pathway to all things bigger and better in life... but the reason my King left His home was to save self-centred people like me. That He chose to suffer in order that I get to live. That it was not what He stood to gain that was the impetus for the decision, but what He could do for us. That He stepped into a world foreign to Him, to be an alien, such that we are saved.
How selfless is His love for us?
For an undeserving me?
It puts things into perspective, doesn't it?

For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him shall not perish, but have everlasting life. For God sent not His Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world through Him might be saved.

John 3:16-17

Masquerade...

2009-02-19T22:11:00.007+11:00

No man... for any considerable period, can wear one face to himself and another to the multitude, without finally getting bewildered as to which may be true.

-Nathaniel Hawthorne-
'The Scarlet Letter'

We conceal our hearts behind masks that we wear to all, save a few. And sometimes, we get so accustomed to the false visage that we lose sight of who we really are, directionless, mired down in a bog of uncertainty and fear. But still, we continue the facade. Why? What exactly do we fear? To be made vulnerable? That our hearts will be trampled upon once we give of it freely?
The smile on the face may be hiding tears shed in the solace of solitude. The laughter that rings out may enshroud hurts and wounds invisible to the eye. We'll never know. But He does. And He cares. He looks deep into the crevices of our core and He accepts it. Unconditionally. And that is a balm, soothing and comforting to the weary.
It's a challenge to be truly open to another, to trust implicitly. But I'm trying. To not limit my candour to only those I'm close with. To have stronger faith. And to believe. There will come a point in time when the masquerade cannot continue. The masks will tear, crumbling to reveal the veiled. It will never hold indefinitely. So why not unmask now?

There is no privacy that cannot be penetrated, no secret can be kept in a civilised world. Society is a masked ball, where everyone hides his real character, then reveals it by hiding.

-Ralph Waldo Emerson-
'The Conduct of Life'

Reminiscing...

2009-02-16T18:11:00.002+11:00

In the silence of contemplation, what runs through your mind? Right now, at this very moment in space and time?
Memories engraved with friends? Echoes of laughter that reverberated through childhood? Songs that were sung and played in the hours before school?

***

My childhood was spent in the upper floor of the place I call home, where hours stretched long and arduous, a never ending continuity. Those were the afternoons filled with reading Enid Blyton and Francine Pascal, nights spent with siblings in tidying the 3 bedrooms upstairs, though more often than not, I ended up being the observer. Those were the times where my sister, brother and I explored worlds unknown in the relative safety of the master bedroom, where anything and everything was possible, where pirates sailed courageously one day and space was explored the next. We fed our imaginations with tales woven with childish curiousity. Back then, it seemed that time inched forward, seemingly at a snail's pace.

And then, we grew up.

I suppose one could say we outgrew the naivete we possessed as children. We had busier schedules with exams to study for. Computer games overtook the games of make-believe that entertained us. Time started to fly. No longer were we insulated as we were as children. We were expected to be aware of what was happening in the world, to be cognizant of our surroundings. And realism overtook imagination. It stood me in good stead, I suppose, but sometimes, I wish that time would be remiss in its duty and I can return to fully enjoy the times when days were endless and full of possibilities untold.

The world spins madly on...

2009-02-12T23:09:00.004+11:00

Why do we do what we do? This is a question that I find myself asking time and again. Because it doesn't matter how hard we try... it almost seems like no matter what transpires in our universe, the world as we know it spins madly on. It stops for no one. Yet we plod on. Step after step. One foot in front of the other. With aspirations to be a Somebody. To what end? I remember one of the caregroup lessons I had when I was in first year, I think. That we are called to significance, but not necessarily prominence. But human nature desires recognition. Fame. It's a failing that is not a stranger to many.
We can get so caught up in all the duties that we have, the responsibilities to fulfill, the tasks on the checklist, that we forget the heart of the matter... that it is the people who are important. To be able to complete one's work is a laudable achievement, but if it was at the expense of others' feelings and emotions, the very real feelings and emotions, wouldn't that make the success hollow?
The roads ahead are long, narrow and winding. Life was never a bed of roses. And even if it were, there are thorns to contend with. And if we expect the good in life, it is only fair that we should accept the bad with a measure of dignity. Not whining, not complaining about the hand that life/God has thrown us, but to deal with it the best way we can. To the utmost of our efforts.
For happiness is not getting what you want, but wanting what you get, be it your heart's deepest desire, or the antithesis of it. It's never easy.

Melbourne and clinical placements...

2009-02-06T00:04:00.003+11:00

So I've been back in Melbourne for a week now... Classes have started and I start with a cardiothoracic surgery unit rotation next week. Which means I have to revise the CVS Hx and Ex, as well as the anatomy of the heart and its associated vessels and interpretation of ECGs. Had a nursing shift today - made beds, took obs and BSLs. Paid for my ID and the locker and had a walk around the hospital. Learnt where I can get free coffee and how to search for imaging and path results. Then back home.
Mummy and Papa flew in with me on Friday. Unfortunately that was in the midst of the heat wave and the temperature topped at 45 degrees. Original plan was to bring them to City during the weekend and then sign them up for the Great Ocean Road tour, but because of the weather conditions, those plans were scrapped. So we went to Queen Vic, Swanston Street and the Melbourne Central and Flinders Street stations. And they're confident in navigating Clayton by public transport now. They flew back on Wednesday. =( Miss you guys loads...

Sunway College...

2009-01-17T02:37:00.002+11:00

Went back to college with Kohila to meet the lecturers yesterday, but only managed to talk to 2 of them. Quite a number of teachers who taught the 2006 cohort has left. Jay, Pn Suhana, Ms Lillian... and Ms Santhi is no longer in Ausmat, though she's still in Sunway... But anyway, it was still good chatting with her and Mr Pathma. I suppose it was not the best of times to meet Ms Ruma or Ms Vanitha as registration for the programme was going full steam ahead.
Lunched at Orange and had soya bean drink from the uncle in front of college. Then went back to Pyramid to eat Yogi-yogi. Yum. Left Pyramid at around 4.30 and reached home at 7.
Kohila gave me this really good book for my birthday. Mitch Albom's For One More Day. It's touching and heartwarming and has the Mitch Albom touch so obvious in his prior works. (Tuesdays with Morrie and Five People You Meet in Heaven) Thank you very very very much dear! The other day at Curve's Borders, my sister was just pointing out that book to me... she has the other two books. So, I am ecstatic to have received this gift. Thanks dear!
On another note, I have about 2 more weeks home. This holidays seem to have just flown. And pimples seem to have found an affinity to my face. Sigh... ah well, here's to a brand new start this term!

Childhood games...

2009-01-07T02:07:00.002+11:00

I was strongly reminded of the game 'Pepsi Cola' that my siblings and I used to play with our friends when I saw this group of children playing it in the neighbourhood today. Their childish laughter and the simple joy of being able to step on another player's toes made me feel... warm and goo-ey. LOL. But it was worth it. The simple pleasures of childhood, eh? Where there was no such thing as race, religion, no awkwardness between genders, just pure joy, innocence and friendship in the company of others.
I know I've been neglecting my blog... but there's not much to blog about really. Life is good rest and relaxation back home. Which is actually the main point of having holidays, I feel. Heh.
Anyway, this is a little late, but HAPPY NEW YEAR!! Welcome, 2009! May it be one of blessings, LOL.

Is There a Santa Claus?

2008-12-22T14:44:00.002+11:00

Is There a Santa Claus?

From the Editorial Page of The New York Sun,
written by Francis P. Church, September 21, 1897

We take pleasure in answering thus prominently the communication below, expressing at the same time our great gratification that its faithful author is numbered among the friends of The Sun:

"Dear Editor--I am 8 years old.
"Some of my little friends say there is no Santa Claus.
"Papa says, 'If you see it in The Sun, it's so.'
"Please tell me the truth, is there a Santa Claus?

Virginia O'Hanlon
115 West Ninety-fifth Street

Virginia, your little friends are wrong. They have been affected by the scepticism of a sceptical age. They do not believe except they see. They think that nothing can be which is not comprehensible by their little minds. All minds, Virginia, whether they be men's or children's are little. In this great universe of ours man is a mere insect, an ant, in his intellect, as compared with the boundless world about him, as measured by the intelligence capable of grasping the whole of truth and knowledge.

Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus. He exists as certainly as love and generosity and devotion exist, and you know that they abound and give to your life its highest beauty and joy. Alas! how dreary would be the world if there were no Santa Claus! It would be as dreary as if there were no Virginias. There would be no child-like faith then, no poetry, no romance to make tolerable this existence. We should have no enjoyment, except in sense and sight. The eternal light with which childhood fills the world would be extinguished.

Not believe in Santa Claus! You might as well not believe in fairies! You might get your papa to hire men to watch in all the chimneys on Christmas eve to catch Santa Claus, but even if you did not see Santa Claus coming down, what would that prove? Nobody sees Santa Claus, but that is no sign that there is no Santa Claus. The most real things in the world are those that neither children nor men can see. Did you ever see fairies dancing on the lawn? Of course not, but that's no proof that they are not there. Nobody can conceive or imagine all the wonders there are unseen and unseeable in the world.

You tear apart the baby's rattle and see what makes the noise inside, but there is a veil covering the unseen world which not the strongest man, nor even the united strength of all the strongest men that ever lived, could tear apart. Only faith, fancy, poetry, love, romance, can push aside that curtain and view and picture the supernal beauty and glory beyond. Is it all real? Ah, Virginia, in all this world there is nothing else real and abiding.

No Santa Claus! Thank God! he lives, and he lives forever. A thousand years from now, Virginia, nay, ten times ten thousand years from now, he will continue to make glad the heart of childhood.

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Taken from: http://www.stormfax.com/virginia.htm

Home...

2008-12-18T18:06:00.002+11:00

Been back home in Malaysia for almost 2 weeks already. But have only been able to go online today. Never really realised the extent to which I rely on the Internet to stay connected to people, to keep in touch, to communicate. So, to all those who were waiting for replies to emails, or for an update, I do apologise.
But anyway, Singapore was quite fun. My uncle and aunt were already at the airport when I touched down. Visited Wan Jie and her family. Had a lot of fun there, and was greatly entertained by the stories her father told. My aunt took me to visit her mother and then to Tiong Bahru Plaza. My uncle recommended Jeffrey Archer novels and I finished three of them while I was there. He also took my sister, brother and me to his school to have a look at his flowers, as well as out to NTUC and Margaret Drive for popiah. Then when my parents came, we went to Vivo City. And I helped to guide my father in driving my brother back to his room. I was happy that all of them liked the souvenirs I got them. =)
However, I think I ate a bit too much there, probably went out too much as well. LOL. Because when I got back to my sister's place in KL, I fell sick. -_- Haha. But am ok now. Will be heading to my sister's place again later today. Because my mother wants me to rebond my hair. So it's off to the hairdresser's tomorrow. Haiz. So Ivy, Fawn and Yu Wan, I'll be getting my hair straightened after all. And then my aunt will be coming on Saturday with the younger of her two sons. So, I'll be back in Bentong only on Monday. Not sure when I'll be online though, when they are both here from Perth. But I'll try to keep this blog updated.

To all who wrote in the scrapbook...

2008-11-29T13:04:00.002+11:00

Just a short one to really thank all those who wrote in the scrapbook for my birthday. I really appreciate the thought that went into each word and all the encouragement... sorry it's so late. I just received it on Thursday but I really really am grateful to have such wonderful friends. Thank you thank you thank you!

A short one...

2008-11-25T01:25:00.002+11:00

So, I apologise for the lack of updates. Have been quite busy packing and moving all the odds and ends from Halls to Rusden, where I'm currently staying with Yu Wan, Wan Jie, Fawn and the various friends visiting Melbourne. Caught a cold, complete with sore throat, cough and headache but have recovered completely. =) Thank God! Collecting CBP assignments and having Grace over tomorrow. Yu Wan's friend, Elizabeth, and her brother, Edmund are currently the visitors to Melbourne. And Elizabeth and I bonded over anime, lol. Wan Jie and I have also been helping Yu Wan clean her kitchen because we feel quite bad about cluttering the living room with our accummulated belongings. Played capture the flag on Saturday, but it was called off early because of the rain.

Just a short update this time. LOL. Cheers!

What a hectic Sunday...

2008-11-17T00:01:00.002+11:00

Today was an extremely busy day. Church in the morning, DFO in the afternoon and Sam and Calvin's place at night. Managed to get a dress thanks to Fawn. Though I cannot leave out Wan Jie, Zepeng, Lester and Yus who provided some major input as well. Will post pictures of it when I've actually taken a photo of it, lol. That took up the majority of the time in DFO Moorabin. Then back to Halls to cook the Portuguese chicken I bought from Coles and then off to Sam and Calvin's place to celebrate Celine, Jean Marc and Steven's birthdays, which unfortunately fell during the exam period. As such, the belated birthday celebrations were held. It was a very long day today. But at least it was productive. =)

Tomorrow is Joel's farewell picnic lunch. And probably laundry and packing. The joys of moving around. And to hunt for a bed and breakfast for when Mummy and Papa come next year. Signing off now, cheers!

Captured moments part deux - presents! =)

2008-11-13T18:15:00.008+11:00

THANK YOU AGAIN, FOR THE WONDERFUL TIME AND FOR THE THOUGHTFUL GIFTS!!

The decorations used for the surprise =), now in a memory bag. Lol.

Ivy and Ian's birthday present, anterior view.

Ivy and Ian's present, posterior view.

The tank top that was one third of Ivy and Ian's present. =) The white one is same in all aspects except colour. =)

The card all the way from Scotland, courtesy of Fi. ♥

The content of the card. Can you differentiate her handwriting from what was originally on the card itself? =)

Glass pendant all the way from Italy, also from Fi. ♥

From Adilah, Grace, Li Ping, Ivie, Ravind.

What was in the package. Cool, eh?

From Shea Chuen and Justina.

The mug that they gave me. =)

From Ezra.

The coffee maker/percolator, the coffee and the card that was in the bag.

From Chean Ying, Nooi Hoay, Jessica.

The 165 piece jigsaw puzzle of an optical illusion. =)

From Yu Wan and Fawn.

The leather bound daily devotional journal. =)

From Zepeng.

The chocolates in the wrappings. Looks too good to eat, actually. LOL.

From Daniel and Yeu Sheng.

The plaque/certificate that was inside, with the origins of my name and characteristics as well. =)

All the presents. =)

All the presents, again. =)

Yet another one. What can I say? I like the pictures. =)

Captured moments...

2008-11-13T01:42:00.009+11:00

From the lunch at JG Dumpling:

After cutting the cake in half and then, realising they haven't sung the song yet. LOL.

With Fawn and the triple chocolate gateau...

With Jocelyn and Fawn and the triple chocolate gateau...

Back, from left: Sam, Joab, Jocelyn, Chun Hoong, Lester.
Front, from left: Yu Wan, Zhi Lin, Clara, Fawn.

At the surprise dinner in the common room:
With Ivy. =)

With Ian.

With Lester.

With Joel.

With Yeu Sheng.

With Daniel, who celebrated his birthday on the 7th of November. =)

Back, from left: Grace, Li Ping.

Front, from left: Ezra, Adilah, Ravind.

With Celine, her boyfriend and Jia Chee. =)

With Vanessa.

With Shea Chuen, Justina & Ye Chia.

With Yun Ying.

From left: The organiser Wan Jie (thanks so much dear!),Shea Chuen, Nooi Hoay, Joab, Ryan, Yun Ying, Chean Ying, Justina and Ye Chia. =)

With Celine and Jia Chee.

Random pic with the decorations.

Group photo:

Back from left: Sam Tan, Jason, Michael, Steven, Celine, Sam Chan, Ye Chia, Justina, Shea Chuen, Joab, Lionel, Ian Lim, Celine, Ravind, Grace, Joel, Li Ping, Ryan, Lester, Ezra.

Centre from left: Sophie, Rachel Ngoo, Zepeng, Jessica, Wan Jie, Chean Ying, Nooi Hoay, Adilah, Jia Chee.

Front from left: Jean Marc, Rachel Chua, Calvin, Yeu Sheng, Daniel. me, Yun Ying, Fawn, Vanessa, Yu Wan.

With the balloons used to decorate the common room.

With the decorations that Adilah, Grace, Li Ping, Ravind put up. Thank you very very much, you guys!

And another pic with the decorations! =) =)

THANK YOU VERY VERY MUCH!!!!

Thank you all! =)

2008-11-12T23:24:00.007+11:00

I am happy today! =) Extremely so, in fact. *grins like an idiot* Anyway, today started with a plate of IndoMie at midnight, courtesy of Chau Wang. And then Chun Hoong also wished me around that time. And then Mummy, Papa and Sheldon called, Che-che sent me an SMS, and Fiona called me (all the way from Scotland!) at about 3am. =) Thanks for the phone calls! ♥ This morning started with a wonderful conversation with Kohila. =) Our conversation veered towards all the Korean gameshows/ variety shows we watch. And her bias towards Junsu and mine towards Junsu and Yunho from DBSK. And how Exploration of the Human Body is just wonderful entertainment because all the members of Super Junior are full of fail! LOL. And then we wondered how we ended up talking about that. ROFL. But I enjoyed the randomness of the conversation. Her papers ended yesterday. And she'll be going back soon! And we may go to Genting this holidays, if all goes well. =) Again, I digress. Thank you dear! ♥ I really missed hearing your voice. Hehe. And fangirling together was so much fun. =)

And then, it was off to Glen for lunch with my caregroup members. We went to JG Dumpling, where I had dan dan noodles with spicy pork sauce, fried taro pancake, pan fried chicken and prawn dumplings and pan fried pork dumplings. Unfortunately, as always, I forgot to take pictures of the food. In fact, I forgot to bring my camera entirely! ROFL. I FAILZ! Anyway, the lunch was attended by Fawn, Yu Wan, Sam, Joab, Zhi Lin, Clara, Lester, Ian Song, Ivy, Chun Hoong and Jocelyn. Thanks for the treat! =) Chun Hoong bit his tongue, and Yu Wan was sad for my behalf on how the cake was presented (there were no candles, lol). And the fact that I cut the cake a bit too early. As in, like before they sang the birthday song. *grins* But the triple chocolate gateau was just too tempting. Hehe. Anyway, they then sang the birthday song, I made a wish and blew out the imaginary candles. Teehee! And the cake tasted fantastic! =) Thanks you guys! It was great hanging out with you guys! And all of you are incredible actors!

Anyway, came back from lunch, surfed the Net a bit, read people's blogs, etc. And then went to Ivy's house for a meeting with Calvin, Yu Wan, Lionel, Jean Marc and Ivy, and for shepherding. Hehe. Again, I have to applaud everyone for their acting skills. And Andrew and mom called me to wish me Happy Birthday and just catch up with one another. =) After which, Ivy asked me to wait while she packed stuff to bring back to Singapore (she's flying tonight for her father's birthday tomorrow, which is actually really only 10 minutes away. ) And then Kam came over and left shortly after. And then Ivy shepherded me. And after that, drove me back to Halls with Rachel and she picked Ian as well. I thought Jia Chee, Yi Xin, Sharon, Stan, Celine and her boyfriend were coming over for dinner with Wan Jie and me. So there I was in my room, when Wan Jie knocked on my door and asked me if I was ready to go to their place, LOL. That should have rung bells in my head, but I thought that the plan just changed. Heh. And then when we went down to her car, she asked if i minded if she checked her mail first. As I didn't mind, I followed her to the common room. And just as we entered, we saw Jason and Lester carrying bottles of soft drinks. And still I didn't suspect anything. Blur like sotong, right? Heh. So, I asked what the drinks were for. And just as I asked that and entered the common room, everyone burst out with "Happy Birthday!" And a cake that Fawn baked. Yummy! And everyone cooked and contributed to the pot luck! Lolz. I was so surprised! Hehe. My face must have been a sight! Lol. And then there was the speech by Grace and the video by Wan Jie which really touched my heart. And yet another speech by Ivy. I am thankful to have been blessed by all who made my day so wonderful. Especially Yu Wan and Wan Jie who organised, planned and acted flawlessly such that I did not suspect anything at all. =) And to all my friends who attended and acted their roles very well, including coursemates: Grace, Adilah, Li Ping, Ravind, Li Ping, Ezra, Chean Ying, Nooi Hoay, Jessica, Daniel, Yeu Sheng, Justina, Shea Chuen, Ryan and Yun Ying and Ye Chia; caregroup mates and church friends: Ivy, Fawn, Lester, Zepeng, Joab, Sophie, Joel, Sam, Ians Song and Lim, Jason, Rachels Chua and Ngoo, Calvin, Lionel, Jean Marc, Vanessa, Michael, Steven, Celine and Sam Chan; as well as ex floor mates: Jia Chee, Celine and her boyfriend. Heh. Yi Xin and Sharon were sick and could not make it for the dinner. And in case I missed out anyone, I apologise. Thank you, everyone for cooking, and for making my day even more wonderful! =) I appreciate it very much and am touched by all the effort that has gone into the planning of the event. =) ♥

Anyway, dinner was a very fun affair, with pictures taken, lots and lots of hugs, presents given and received and a lot of eating. =) And after dinner and everyone had left, I watched the last half hour of House with Grace, Adilah and Li Ping at Deakin Hall. And I spazzed out with Li Ping and Grace as we hung out in my room and drank Coke while we waited for her parents to come and drive both Li Ping and her home.

I am so BLESSED. THANK YOU EVERYONE!!! =) ♥ I am officially 21 years old. And it's now 12.16 am according to the clock on my laptop. (I started writing this at around 11.45 pm) But yeah, it's random. =) THANK YOU AGAIN!! ♥ Lol, I think I may have overused the hearts a bit. =P

Quotes...

2008-11-11T00:57:00.008+11:00

Just a few of my favourite quotes. =)

There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief... and unspeakable love.

-Washington Irving-
American poet, essayist and author.

What you leave behind is not what is engraved in stone monuments, but what is woven in the lives of others.

-Pericles-

Athenian statesman, orator and general

Those who make peaceful revolution impossible will make violent revolution inevitable.

-John F. Kennedy-

What other words, we may almost ask, are memorable and worthy to be repeated than those which love inspired? It is wonderful that they were ever uttered. They are few and rare indeed.

-Henry David Thoreau-

In "A Week on the Concord and Meirimack Rivers"

Other things may change us, but we start and end with family.

- Anthony Brandt-

Author

The bitterest tears are shed over graves are of words left unsaid and deeds left undone.

-Harriet Beecher Stowe-

American author and abolitionist

Return from the hiatus... =)

2008-11-07T23:54:00.005+11:00

Time to return to blogging from my hiatus. Exams are over!!! What a relief! Though actually, they've been over since Friday, lol. Anyway, just to update everyone on what's been happening in my life for the past 2-3? (or 3-4) weeks prior to the exams, that time was spent mugging and mugging and yet more mugging. Truth be told, I was just extremely stressed out, especially when I was preparing for the OSCEs and VIA, which happened to fall on the same week, just one week apart. Yet, it was the times when I was feeling like I was at the end of my tether, worried and almost like crying, that I realised how much support and love I receive from my family. The call was at the most opportune moment, at the point in time when I needed it the most, the words of comfort, calm and reassurance were what I needed to hear. Thanks, Fi, Mummy and Papa! You all have no idea how much it meant to me to hear your voices amidst all the frenzy and panic of OSCE practice and cram sessions for VIA. I am grateful, and blessed that you are my family. =)

Called Fi on her birthday, though I interrupted a phone call in the process. Sorry! And hope that your birthday was the best one yet... although I was not there, lolz. Joking, joking. Though I really wish that you will have an even better 2009 and that your birthdays will only become better and better as time goes by.

So what have I been up to post exams? Destressing a little, watching Korean game shows (Kohila, you've made me addicted to EHB! And I've think I'm on my way to being a DBSK fangirl! I listened to the Doushite What the Heck Darou a cappella and I've morphed into a fangirl! It's on loop together with Love in the Ice Korean version! Help! How?), laughing my head off at all the random and dorky antics of the guests, and helping the first years with OSCE prep. As it is, Fawn, Yu Wan, Wan Jie, Zepeng, Joel, Lester and I were helping Chun Hoong, Zhi Lin, Sarah and Liz until late Sunday night/early Monday morning, lol. But it's good revision of Year 1 material. Also celebrated Daniel's birthday with a potluck in which the only dish I could prepare on time was hard boiled eggs with chilli oil on top.

Called home too, and listened to Mummy, Papa, Sheldon and Che-Che's voices. And dear old big bro' called me on my handphone and commented that I sound different, so much so that he cannot recognise my voice. Heh. But it's great to just listen to their voices after an absence. =) *grins widely*

I'll probably help Ainul and Chun Hoong with their OSCE practice again tomorrow morning, after which is the VIA debrief and then grocery shopping in Clayton. Wan Jie and I decided to get 'China' bags (the white-red-blue striped plastic bags) to store what we have accummulated this year and hopefully make moving less of a chore. It's astounding, as always, to note the amount of junk we collect over the year. Heh. Maybe Grace will come over as well. =) I'll see. Nothing has been set in concrete as of yet. And then, it'll probably be more practice for Chun Hoong and, if they want it, Liz and Zhi Lin as well. =)

Life is looking up at the moment. Heh. I'll pray that I'll be able to say the same thing after tomorrow's debrief. Lol. =) Signing off now, cheers!

To Kohila...

2008-10-14T00:58:00.001+11:00

Happy 21st birthday dear! Hope it is a great one.
Remember what Abraham Lincoln said, “And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years.”
Lots of love,
Christina

And now I shall go back to my hole to study. =)

Of mugging and pondering...

2008-10-09T00:41:00.003+11:00

So, it's 3 more weeks till exams. How frightening is that thought? 3 more weeks... sounds so finite... heh.

Anyway, been a while since I posted. My apologies. Saturday was Raya, where I had a little too much to eat but really, the sambal was really good, and Grace and I came to my room to study and complete our HLSD assignments, but we ended up napping on the chairs facing our laptops. Lol. Sunday was Fawn's birthday - which she dubbed her twenteenth birthday. Laughed when Jason tried to say "twenteenth birthday". Monday was HLSD assignment hand in. Whew! I'm now left with the remaining optional piece for the potfolio. How abhorrent! My mind is in stasis - no new ideas generated! Even the thought of writing '5 things I wish I knew at the start of 2nd year' has me stuck at number 1 which is... drumroll please... first year material! *rolls eyes*. Been mugging otherwise. No classes yesterday, and today was ok, although someone bungled somewhere and sent an email informing our Neoplasia 2 lecturer that her lecture starts at 1 when actually, it was scheduled for noon. Stocked up on coffee, some junk and indomie for the exam prep. I am officially dependent on coffee to survive.

***

I feel insecure. Without confidence. But I wonder if people will be surprised at that... I've been told that my countenance has always been one of confidence. Like I am always on top of things. I wish it's true. Lol. Heh. I think I have to stop being so self-reliant and to depend more on God. But that does not mean that I just let go of all my responsibilities and duties as a student. It just means that I strive to do my best and let Him take care of the rest. To accept that He has blessed me so much, beyond my imagination and comprehension. And to not complain so much. Easier said than done, eh?

On a side note, updates will be sporadic until after Nov 7th. I'll try to update at least once a week, but... we'll see. Sorry Wend and Kohila!

Of Code Geass R2 25 and wondering...

2008-10-03T15:24:00.005+10:00

Spoiler warning:

Lelouch dies! And the saddest thing is that no one will ever know the sacrifices he made for the peace that they enjoy, save a few. I thought it was especially poignant how he flashed back to the time when he, Suzaku and Nunally were children, just before his death. How happy they all were and how all he did was really for his sister. And I think that all he really desired was to be with Nunally and Suzaku, very much like the times when they were children - happy, fulfilled with just each other for company. Or how Nunally was saying that all she ever needed was her brother by her side and she would be content. Or her screams of anguish and grief and despair drowned out by triumphant cries of "Zero! Zero!". Or how Rivalz was telling Milly that he really missed the times when they were all in the student council, wasting their time away, having fun and doing ridiculous things that all teenagers do. Especially when juxtaposed with the fact that one of their own was the Emperor who was commiting heinous crimes, and the other, his knight, protecting the Emperor and ensuring his safety such that those very atrocities could continue. So many deaths... so many tragedies... so many horrors and losses in the war... It was a sad but fitting ending to the anime. I refuse to join in the is-Lelouch-alive-or-dead debate that is raging all over the Internet. I'll just wait and see if there's an OVA that will clear things up, if not, I'll accept the ending as what was portrayed in the anime without further interpretation of the wagon/ cart scene.

***

Sometimes I wonder what the world is coming to. The economy is shot, people are getting retrenched, the political situation at home is not as stable as most would like it to be... it feels like it's an unsafe place to be in, this world we live in. The pervasive atmosphere of depression and worry, the incredulity that follows after reading about the mountain made out of the molehill, the disbelief at human folly and caprice... it disheartens and discourages. But we try to rise above it, to not let it leave a permanent mark, to use it as a booster and not let it pull us down. Because that is what we can do. That is what we should do. And that is what I will try to do.

Of OSCEs and nasi lemak...

2008-10-01T15:51:00.003+10:00

It's already Wednesday! So sad... the mid semester break seems to be flying... haiz. Anyway, yesterday was OSCE practice at CMHSE with Adilah, Li Ping, Jessica and Grace. After that was dinner at Keith's. He made nasi lemak! True, it's Singapore style nasi lemak, but it's nasi lemak nonetheless and it was really good. Organised my notes, and interviewed my HLSD participant. Heh. What else have I got planned? Tomorrow's another OSCE practice session, then Friday, before caregroup will probably be a revision session with Jocelyn on reading ECGs.

Hehe, when Sanjay heard what I have for this break, he agreed with my opinion that my life seems boring, and that he would intrude on my 'me' time to make my life more interesting. Lol. But he also said that since I enjoy what I do, then it couldn't be classified as boring. Yup, I agree.

What else to write about? Nothing really exciting happened this week. So... I guess I'll sign off for now. =)

My first tag...

2008-09-29T00:09:00.006+10:00

Simple Rules:

Each player starts with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
People who are tagged need to write on their own blog about their eight things and post these rules.
At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.
Don't forget to leave them a comment telling them they're tagged, and to read your blog.

So now, onto answering the tag proper:

1. I dislike wearing jeans. Which is why one finds me in trackpants or shorts (if the weather is warm enough) most of the time. I even think that slacks are more comfortable than jeans. Which is the reverse of what most people would say. I just feel that jeans are restrictive, and the material they are made of, a little too hard for my liking.

2. I like to keep my bed as clean as possible, which means most of the time, I do not sit on it or lie on it if I have not taken a shower. No eating on the bed either. And if I have just changed the sheets, I try as much as possible to not let the previous sheets or pillow cases to touch the clean ones. I've improved a bit with this, in the sense that if there is a blanket or comforter or doona over my bed, I am not as fussy about sitting on the blanket/comforter/doona, though I minimise that as much as possible. Pretty weird eh?

3. There was a period of time in my childhood when I really wanted to become a fashion designer. And when most of my day was filled with drawing random pictures. My dad used to bring home blank paper from his school for my siblings and I to draw on. I remember the many weird things we drew - ranging from layouts of our dream town to depictions of rooms at home. And then, as I got older, I tried to replicate faces from manga (Sailormoon was the craze when I was in primary school) and even later, I let my imagination run wild. Lol. There was also a time in Sunway where I was really enthusiastic about sketching portraits of real people from photographs. But it's pretty much in the past now. The only time I draw stuff here is when I play Pictionary, lol. =)

4. I think that I am a hoarder, a packrat, a collector, lol. Just so happens that the objects I keep have somewhat arguable value associated to them. In other words, most of the time, they're junk to the random observer. Things like wrapping paper from a birthday gift. Or the boxes that they came in. But to me, they have sentimental value, evoking nostalgic memories and eliciting fond remembrances of the time I had them/received them/ saw them. Sometimes, even a whiff of a scent can bring me back to fond times of childhood play and imagination, or teenage angst and insecurities, or of school time escapades, not that they were many. They serve like a stimulus to a movie in my head. And that is why I love all that I keep.

5. I tend to forget things people tell me relatively easily. Which is the reason why sometimes, I can recognise a face, but when I try to associate a name to that face, my mind comes up blank. And sometimes, birthdays slip my mind as well. That makes me appreciate Facebook all the more. Lol. I think for me to remember things well, I need both audio and visual inputs. Heh. Something to be changed? Lol.

6. I try to be early most of the time, whether it's for lectures or appointments with friends. I think with lectures and tutes, that's because I like to sit in a certain spot- most of the time, to ensure the most central view of the projected notes as possible. In R1, it's the 5th seat from the right in the central block, either the 4th or 5th row from the front. In the other lecture theatres, it pretty much depends on which side will the lecture slides be presented on. Lol. As for appointments with friends, I'd rather wait than have people waiting for me. Heh. I'd feel guilty if I'm late. Lol.

7. I like my 'me' time- time that I can spend alone in my room, with my thoughts, doing what I like- which ranges from reading fiction to watching anime or TV shows. My idea of a good time is precisely that. Yes, there are times which I spend with friends, when I enjoy their company very much, but there are times when I want to relax in the comfort of my room alone. Heh. I sound like a very boring person, eh? Lol.

8. I enjoy washing dishes. Yes, you read that right. I find it therapeutic to wash dishes. And iron clothes too. The repetitive motions and the difference before and after the deed is a form of release for me. Lol. Maybe I like it because there's visual evidence of improvement when sometimes it becomes difficult to see my life's purpose. Perhaps it's my obsessive and controlling personality taking over, where I have to have things done my way. Or it could just be that I am plain weird. Haha. Take a guess. Good luck with it though, because I'm not entirely sure of the answer myself. Lol.

Who do I tag?

1. Kohila

2. Wendy

3. Fiona

4. Li Ping

5. Ivie

6. Yun Ying

7. Yu Wan

8. Fawn

Life's little blessings...

2008-09-24T22:30:00.003+10:00

Unexpected blessings really made my day today. A thank you card and candies with a rose twined around the opening of the package. A stick of cotton candy that melts in the mouth. A blog entry that warms the heart with its earnest gratitude. Lunchtime filled with laughter and reminisces. Dinner with old friends catching up on current affairs. Seemingly insignificant things that add up to create a wonderful day. I am content. =)

Thank you, all the friends who made today special. And thank you, God, for giving me the opportunity to meet these people and call them my friends. =)

Of hairdos and academia...

2008-09-23T14:00:00.006+10:00

First things first: HAPPY BIRTHDAY WEND DEAR! Hehe. It's a turning point in your life, eh? Hehe. Anyway, hope that you are happy and healthy in Sunderland. May all you wishes come true and may God pour out His blessings unto your life. =)

So...

Assignment status: HLSD and remaining optional piece for portfolio left to do. My plan is to finish them by this week. Which might be a challenge, because I have absolutely no idea what to do for the optional piece. Maybe something like 10 things I wish I knew at the beginning of Year 2...? Hmm... creative juices that I may/may not have, please flow!

Anyway, on Saturday, helped Jessica, Nooi Hoay, Li Ping, Ivie and Adilah with their hair for Med Ball. Lol. I had so much fun! I even learnt how to curl people's hair with a hair straightener, of all things, lol. Hehe. And baked cinnamon bread with Wan Jie. It tasted more like cake, but oh well. Cake's pretty delicious after all, so we did not really mind. Heh.

Sunday was church, then I had a headache, so I napped in the afternoon. Woke up and studied anatomy for Monday: Posterior Abdominal Wall. Apparently, because the left gonadal vein drains into the left renal vein which then drains into the inferior vena cava (IVC) compared to the right gonadal vein which drains directly into the IVC, guys' left testicles hang lower than their right ones. Why this is so is currently not substantiated. Lol. See the nuggets of information we get at our anatomy practicals?

It is: 5 weeks to the EOS.
5 weeks and 5 or 6 days to OSCEs.
6 weeks to VIA.

Bon voyage, mon ami...

2008-09-19T17:29:00.003+10:00

Just a quick one for my special friend, Wend, who will be flying off to the UK in about 10 hours' time. Bon voyage, have a safe trip, don't forget to get up and walk about every so often, make sure you have your passport, visa, confirmation of enrolment, all important personal documents... and enjoy yourself immensely! Lol.

"May your trails be crooked, winding, lonesome, dangerous, leading to the most amazing view. May your mountains rise into and above the clouds."
-Edward Abbey (1927-1989)-

Naturalist and author

Have fun, dearie, and it the time of your life! Of course, don't forget to give your truly your contact number, ok? Bon voyage, mon ami...

Captured memories part deux...

2008-09-17T14:50:00.004+10:00

Harajuku Sunday aka Ida's birthday with Grace, Sophie and Fawn...

Harajuku Sunday with Steph...
Joab's birthday earlier this year..
Liz's birthday...

Jocelyn and Zepeng's birthday...

In church...

With Liz, Fawn, Cherlyn and Zhi Lin...
With Liz...
With Angela, Yu Wan, Fawn, Cherlyn, Zhi Lin, Lester and Sam...
With Cherlyn...

Captured memories...

2008-09-17T14:42:00.005+10:00

Celine, Fawn, myself, Steph, Swee.

With the Brisbane skyline...

With Steph...

In the city...

With Yuwan, Fawn, Ian Lim...

With Yuwan and Fawn...

With Yuwan, Steph, Fawn, Rebecca, Jean Marc, Callie, Esther, Mei, Celine, Sam, Hannah...

With Steph, Fawn, Cheryl, Chiann, Cheryl, Yuwan, Hannah...

Hannah, Steph, Fawn, Jean Marc and Li Chun...

All the picture were taken in Brisbane during the Easter break when we had Oceania Convention. Quite some time ago, lol.

Voiceover from One Tree Hill season 6 episode 3: Get Cape . Wear Cape. Fly...

2008-09-16T23:30:00.002+10:00

"Quentin Fields was a basketball player. He was also a son. A brother. Somebody’s teammate. Somebody’s friend. I never knew Quentin Fields and I guess now I never will. Did you ever wonder what it would be like if you weren’t you anymore? If you were suddenly gone how would your world react? Whatever you imagined was wrong. There’s nothing romantic about death. Grief is like the ocean: it’s deep and dark and bigger than all of us. And pain is like a thief in the night. Quiet. Persistent. Unfair. Diminished by time and faith and love. I didn’t know Quentin Fields but I’m jealous of him because I see how his absence has affected the people that did know him so I know that he did matter to them. And I know he was loved. People say Quentin Fields was a great basketball player. Graceful. Fluid. Inspiring. They say on a good night it almost seemed as though he could fly. And now he can."

As written by Samantha Walker played by Ashley Rickards.

You squeeze my tears out...

2008-09-15T23:52:00.001+10:00

Need I say more?

Routine and rest...

2008-09-15T21:50:00.003+10:00

Assignment status:
Completed Behaviour Change, CBP reflection, CBP-HPKM final report, Panel Summary and Rural Case Study. Started CBP Hypothetical and one of the extra portfolio pieces. Still have one more extra portfolio piece and HLSD to complete.
Good news today: I received my mobile phone in the post today! Thank God! Now I just have to recharge and I can change my facebook shoutout. Lol.
Miscellaneous:
Happy birthday, Sheldon! Not sure if you even know of the existence of this blog, but still a wish needs to be conveyed. Hehe.
Happy Mid Autumn Festival everyone! A little late I know, but still... hehe. Special wishes to Kohila and Wendy. Because they are special to me. Lame, but true.

So many people have been trying to get me to go to Medball. But my heart's just not into it this year. I really rather much prefer helping people dress up and look pretty. Don't ask me why. I have not the slightest idea myself.
I feel old... tired and achy all over. I want to grasp youth by the horns, but instead its slipping through my fingers like sand. Yet, I cannot seem to muster up the energy to want to try out, explore, travel... I'm comfortable where I am and I long to remain where I am. Sometimes, I wonder if this will be a regret later in life. And sometimes, I just want to sleep so badly that it all doesn't matter anymore.
I feel like I lack strength in so many areas, and the ensuing exhaustion wears me out. And sometimes I feel like I wear different faces to different groups of friends. This should not be the case. But somehow, it just is. And despite knowing that it has to change, I do not really do anything about it. Heh. But no worries, I will survive! =)
Anyway, I've got no class tomorrow, but maybe I'll go to school for dissection. =) That's really all for now. Till the next post, ta!

Busy...

2008-09-12T00:16:00.003+10:00

It's that busy time of the year. Hospital selections for next year due in Sept 22, Panel Discussion for Rural due on Monday, HP-CBP poster submission on Tuesday, Behaviour Change Project and Case Presentation for Rural due Sept 26, Human Life Span and Development due October 6, HP-CBP final report, reflection and hypothetical due on October 17th and 2 extra pieces for Portfolio. Heh. Assignment time. And exam dates are out: Finals on the 30th of October, OSCEs on the 5th or 6th of November and VIA on the 7th. Not much time left.
Sometimes I wonder where all the time went, you know? It never ceases to amaze me how time flies. In approximately 2 months' time, I'll be finished with 2nd year, provided I pass all the exams, etc etc. And it scares me a bit, I have to say. I wonder if I'll be prepared to face the working world in 3 years' time. Sometimes I feel inadequate, like I'm not good enough, like I'm going to be a Grim Reaper rather than a healer. And I know that I should take it a day at a time, and to do my very best at that, but the whispers of doubt linger, you know? Sort of like a persistent detractor in my head. And I wonder if I'll be a good doctor.
Anyway, the School of Rural Health has asked me to contact them about my handphone. Keeping my fingers crossed that someone found it. =) If not, I suppose I'll have to consider getting a new one. But I'd really rather get my old one back. Heh.
And a special message to Wend, have faith dear. And try not to worry and fret. Enjoy Malaysia. And leave the rice cooker unless you can really see yourself cooking lots and lots. May it be a wonderful, unforgettable experience for you. And may the roads before you be challenging, but nothing you cannot handle. Bon voyage dearie! *hugs*

Rural Pics

2008-09-07T14:20:00.004+10:00

The Warragul students on last day of placement...

Standing: Myself, Matt, Marj, Yoni, Tamishta, Tshepo, Jane, Adam...

Kneeling: Tessa, Camilla, Kutlo, Cheryl, Anneke...

In a less wacky pose...

With Tamishta and Cheryl...

At this dam that Marj led us to... the sun was shining that day. =)
Light...
With Cheryl...
With Tshepo...
With Justina...