Falling Slowly - Glen Hansard

I don't know you
But I want you
All the more for that
Words fall through me
And always fool me
And I can't react
And games that never amount
To more than they're meant
Will play themselves out

Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you have a choice
You'll make it now

Falling slowly, eyes that know me
And I can't go back
Moods that take me and erase me
And I'm painted black
You have suffered enough
And warred with yourself
It's time that you won

Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you had a choice
You've made it now
Falling slowly sing your melody
I'll sing along

Slice of my life...

Happy Chinese New Year, everyone! And Happy Valentine's Day too! =)
Today started at 8.45 for me, as Zhi Lin and I had arranged to go to Springvale to buy groceries. And Calvin hitched a ride from Zhi Lin as well. =) It was a hassle trying to find a parking space in Springvale, what with everyone doing their last minute shopping for the new year and jam-packing all the parking lots. But we managed to purchase all that we needed and left at around noon. We left the steamboat condiments at Calvin's because of the availability of the 8 fridges in the house, and marinated the chicken and pork there as well. Then I came back, had lunch and napped until 4pm.

I fried chicken for the reunion dinner at Chau Wang's, Shea Chuen's, Justina's and Jessica's new place. We had a steamboat and it was really wonderful catching up with everyone else, especially now that everyone's doing a different rotation at a different hospital. And Fi, I wore the grey shirt you gave me, ok? I didn't wear the usual T-shirts I normally sport. And I've got pics to back it up too.

And at around 10, we left for Yun Ying's, Ryan's, Jian's and Ravind's housewarming, where we played Pictionary and lit up sparklers. And Snap as well. Though I was busy eating Cheezels at that time.
All in all, today was not a bad day. Although it lacked the hype of a Chinese New Year celebration back home, it was still great to renew ties with old friends and remember that we may be physically far from home, but we stil carry a piece of it with us, in the way we treasure cultural practices like this. =)
Thanks for hosting us and making this new year away from home as similar to one at home as possible!

Humility...

It's difficult, to be truly humble... not thinking highly of oneself, to acknowledge that there are people better than you, to be comfortable with it and accept it. To not personify fake humility for the sake of compliments. Pride is a major stumbling block for me. Pride in my own abilities and strengths. Pride which has added miles to the distance between God and myself. Ah, for it to dissipate! Blown away with the winds... And in its place, love... For God, for the people around me, for myself the way He meant for it to be. And with love, a sense of belonging, an answer to a calling, a completion of a previously unfinished works...

My back finally stopped aching. How fortunate, yeah?
I really admire the child psychiatrists I've been shadowing. Their mental toughness is something that I really want to have. Because no matter how tired they are after speaking to child after child after adolescent after adolescent, they still persist in giving their best in what they do.
Guess it's a short one today.

Fears...

Today I sat in on one of the consultant interviews with an involuntary patient. It was, to me, a difficult interview because the interviewee was not forthcoming with the answers and I did not manage to get a clear picture of what the situation was like. The family background was also not a conducive one, with the case manager mentioning that it was a pathological family. There were many issues surrounding said patient's hospitalization, including the relationship with both parents and violence and aggression management. But I think that it was an eye opener and something that I have to learn, because the only interviews I've done for this rotation have been on simulated patients.
Anyway, my back still aches... and I'm wondering if I should see a doctor or a physiotherapist. Sigh. I'll give it one more day.
Wan Jie and I have been telling each other that we find references to mental health everywhere now that we're in this rotation. LOL. But I suppose that fact holds true in any rotation that I've done - I become paranoid (and I'm using this term loosely) and find signs/symptoms of conditions that I've just learnt in myself. LOL.
But I suppose that because the mind is such a fluid thing, with so much uncertainty, so much room for error, that I have to admit that I am afraid of saying the wrong thing, reacting wrongly that I may cause irreparable damage. That fear that I would not be able to uphold the Hippocratic oath to first do no harm. Sigh.
Listening to Falling Slowly by Kris Allen. Beautiful song.

Resuscitation...

So I've been walking around like an old lady (or at least I think I do) because of my backache, but other than that, everything's been normal. Started my first day on the children's and adolescents' psych ward. It's a very different experience compared to the more traditional, conservative, stereotypical wards. There are no ward rounds and the boundaries between the many health providers available are not as clearly delineated as in, say, the cardiology ward or any of the surgical wards. There are various inpatient services provided and the way they manage the teenagers is through what they term 'milieu therapy'. It's thought provoking because while it's not as 'medicine' as what one may expect, it cannot be denied that it works with the target population. So Afrah and I sat in on one of the interviews the consultant conducted and then joined in the group activities that formed part of milieu therapy. Had a tutorial and was back home at 3pm, which is good because it's early, but not-so-good in that I'm in my room when it feels like an oven due to the setting sun's rays. Passed Ivy her preserved plums as well. =)
Met up with Sharon, Yi Xin, Celine and Cass for dinner to catch up. It's been quite a while since we all sat down and had a meal together. I think the last time we did something like this was in the first half of 2009, when Jia Chee was still around. We reminisced about first year and Farrer and Jia Chee for a bit. They left to watch a movie (which Sharon insisted on watching because George Clooney is in it) and Wan Jie and I got Hello Pandas and came back home.
Been listening to 21 Guns by Green Day and Mad World by Adam Lambert. Haha. Unsure if they're good choices though, as to me, they have a slightly depressing feel to them. And I'm on my psych rotation at the moment. Transference? Sigh.

I've got a backache. Lower back, around L4-L5 region. Most likely to be a muscular strain, though this is a self diagnosis. Hurts when I extend it. Sigh. Probably due to incorrect posture when sitting.
Hopefully will be fully clear come Monday.

TESTIFY TO LOVE

All the colors of the rainbow
All the voices of the wind
Every dream that reaches out
That reaches out to find where love begins
Every word of every story
Every star in every sky
Every corner of creation lives to testify

For as long as I shall live
I will testify to love
I'll be a witness in the silences
when words are not enough
With every breath I take
I will give thanks to God above
For as long as I shall live
I will testify to love

From the mountains to the valleys
From the rivers to the sea
Every hand that reaches out
Every hand that reaches out to offer peace
Every simple act of mercy
Every stop to kingdom come
All the hope in every heart will speak
what love has done

Wynonna